Paula Deen told Today that she doesn’t plan on changing the way she does her show just because she has Type 2 diabetes, and I for one applaud that.

I don’t watch any of Deen’s shows to find out how I can lose weight and look like a Men’s Health cover model. I tune in to see how she cooks rich foods. I could stand to lose a few pounds and I take high blood pressure medication, but eating some of what Paula Deen cooks on her TV shows isn’t going to harm me unless I eat them all of the time.

Did Deen preach “moderation” like she’s been saying in recent interviews? I don’t know. I didn’t watch her show that closely and I’m not going to do a Lexis-Nexus search for the keywords “Paula Deen” and “moderation.” But I am sure she didn’t say “eat this stuff for every single day of your life.” I think that television creates this illusion of steadiness and consistency that really doesn’t exist. Meaning, because Deen is on our televisions every single day that means that she eats this stuff every single day and she’s hoping we do too. But if she had a monthly show or quarterly specials we probably wouldn’t say that she’s “pushing” this lifestyle and this type of diet.

I can’t say that the food that Deen cooks on the show didn’t contribute to her diabetes, but no one can honestly say that she ate the stuff morning, noon, and night and that’s why she’s overweight and that’s why she has diabetes, no doubt whatsoever. Diabetes is a complex thing, and heredity and a sedentary lifestyle contribute to it just as much as being overweight (good thing Wikipedia is back so I can look this stuff up!). I know three people with Type 2 diabetes, and all three of them are skinnier and in better shape than I am. I know about a dozen really, really fat people, and none of them have diabetes and their blood pressure is fine. Anecdotal evidence? Maybe. But like I said, diabetes is a complex thing.

Anthony Bourdain has been on Deen’s case way before her diabetes reveal, calling her “the most dangerous woman in America” because of the way she cooks. I could name 37 females on reality TV that are more dangerous, but that’s beside the point. A lot has been made of the infamous episode where Deen put a burger between two glazed doughnuts. Yes, she was saying that you should eat this every single day. People are so stupid.

I contend that if you hate the way that Paula Deen cooks, in a way you hate America.

Being preached a healthy life style from someone who goes around the world eating warthog rectums and sheep testicles is something I never thought I’d experience. Bourdain is making a cottage industry out of insulting other people who cook stuff he doesn’t approve of. First Rachael Ray, then Sandra Lee, now Deen (he insulted Emeril Lagasse and Guy Fieri somewhere along the way too, so you can’t say he’s a sexist). I’d rather eat at the home of either Lee or Deen than Bourdain’s home (though he’s a better writer than either of them). As the old saying goes, diabetes is better for you than sheep testicles.

I mean, does the guy even cook anymore?

If Paula Deen wants to use the word moderation more and tweak her show a little bit to make things healthier, that’s great. If her sons want to come out with cookbooks that preach a healthy lifestyle, that’s great too. If she wants to take a diabetes medication and exercise more, no one’s going to say that’s a bad thing. But to say that she’s a hypocrite or scheming if she continues to make high-fat meals on her show and at the same time push a diabetes drug just doesn’t make any sense. And the fact that she waited three years to reveal it to her fans doesn’t bother me a bit. A lot of people have secrets in their lives that they hold on to tightly because they’re not ready to reveal it, for personal and yes (gasp!) professional reasons. I don’t know if she didn’t tell anyone because it would somehow interfere with her career, but even if she did, so what? It would be weird if she didn’t keep it secret, wouldn’t it?

Should an alcoholic be barred from being a bartender? Maybe for his personal physical and mental health, but just because an alcoholic is a bartender doesn’t mean he’s preaching alcoholism or even potential alcoholism to the customers who come into the bar. That’s up to them (and this is where people accuse me of comparing alcoholism with diabetes, which both misses and confuses the point all at the same time — congratulations!).

Every single cook on television, from Julia Child to Graham Kerr to Guy Fieri, has cooked food that one could call “unhealthy.” But I contend that they’re aren’t any “unhealthy” foods if you don’t eat them all the time.

Except warthog rectums. That stuff will kill you.

I’ve read all about the swanky spreads they have for the stars on some sets, complete with gourmet chef or specialty caterer. Was it like that on Leverage‘s set?

Since they “filmed just about everything in or near downtown Portland, which is swarming in awesome food carts,” Wil used Food Carts Portland (yeah,I know, who even knew a site like that existed?) “to find a different place to eat every day, and went ‘off campus’ for lunch.”

Want to know what is favorite was? He “especially loved the five-dollar lunch special from Bombay Chaat House at 12th and Yamhill”: naan, rice, dal tarka, aloo saag and navratan korma. Mmmmm … now I want Indian food — curried cauliflower, anyone?

Such as the passing of a Chihuahua named Gidget, who died from a stroke at age 15. Now, while most of you probably don’t know Gidget by her real name, you would probably know her by another description: the Taco Bell dog. Yes, Gidget was the tiny canine that uttered those four famous words “Yo Quiero Taco Bell!”

Voiced in the ads by male actor Carlos Alazraqui, The Taco Bell dog became one of the most famous Chihuahuai of the 1990s. The first ad aired on the East Coast of the U.S. in 1997 with a dog named Dinky. However, it was Gidget, Dinky’s replacement, who reaped the the immediate success.

And “immediate” is not an exaggeration when it came to this ad campaign. After its initial airing, popularity soared and  it was off to the races for Gidget. Soon enough there were T-shirts, posters, and toy figures of the little dog. Most importantly, the phrase became embedded into pop culture history as, “Yo quiero (something or other)” was used by every single person in the United States and abroad.

Of course, this wasn’t enough for the advertising geniuses who started the campaign. In due time, Gidget was given two additional phrases: “Drop the Chalupa!” and “Viva Gorditas!” The second phrase was used in connection with the release of 1998’s Godzilla remake and eventually led to Gidget uttering a full sentence in English during an ad featuring the giant lizard.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LONtNt9at_k

Unfortunately, the success of this campaign, which outweighed the extremely popular tainted scallions campaign of 2006, was fraught with troubles. No sooner had the first “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” been uttered did the advertising campaign meet with protests from Latin American advocacy groups who accused Gidget of being a fairly blatant stereotype of Hispanics. It was the pressure of these groups, combined with surprisingly low sales revenue, that led to the end of the Taco Bell campaign in 2000. Three years later, the fast food restaurant lost a multi-million dollar lawsuit to two Michigan men who said that the Taco Bell dog concept was one they pitched to the company six years prior.

So, ladies and gentleman, please raise your Cheese Roll-Ups in a salute to Gidget, and her stand-ins, who gave us one of the more memorable fast food campaigns in the last few years. She will be missed. Until, of course, Burger King’s Herb takes a turn for the worst.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8sZ1DWsAHE

In preparation for the final episode of the Food Network’s reality show, The Next Food Network Star, I watched a few of the previous shows. I have never watched this show before, and quite honestly I rarely ever watch the Food Network. I do enjoy cooking and sharing my recipes here on CliqueClack Food, but I don’t care to watch most of the cooking shows. I wanted to get some background on the two final contestants so that I could decide who I thought should win. Jeffrey and Melissa are both very talented cooks as well as entertainers.

The premise of this show is simple. They take the top ten contestants that auditioned for the show and put them through a series of challenges to see how they handle them. Each week the judges send one contestant home based on their performances. The challenges are not outrageous tests meant to humiliate the contestants like a lot of the reality shows use, but rather more real world scenarios that a Food Network star would run into in their daily work.

I did not watch the few previous episodes I did in order to review them, but just to get a sense of the finalists. I did not watch all of the other episodes so I can not say that one of the other eight contestants did or did not deserve to be in the final show. I am going to just look at what happens in the final show.

I had no favorite when I started watching the final show. There were a couple of scenes in the earlier episodes I saw of some questionable behavior of a couple of the contestants, but overall I found all of the contestants to be likable. When I turned on the first episode of The Next Food Network Star I saw a commercial for the final show. After watching the first episode I liked Melissa, but I was amazed that she was one of the finalists. In the first episode she was very unsure of herself and very nervous. Jeffrey was confident and sure of himself from the get-go. I was not at all surprised to see him in the finale.

The final show started with some background on Jeffrey and Melissa. They showed them spending time with their families before returning to the Food Network for the final show. It was good to get a glimpse of their home life. Both have very nice families and to watch Jeffrey cooking with his daughter was a lot of fun. It reminded me of making cookies with my daughter when she was that age.

When they returned to the set they were met by Alton Brown who told them that for their final challenge they would each be filming a pilot of their new show for the network and that he would be directing the filming of their pilot.

The look on both of their faces was great. They were both ecstatic and horrified at the same time as they realized how close to the end they were and what it was going to take to win. After a private meeting with Alton to map out their shows and decide on a name for the show they went back to get ready.

The filming of the show was a good look at what goes on behind the scenes of a Food Network show. After several takes and a lot of nervous flubs both contestants finished their pilots.

Alton Brown was awesome. He understood very well that he was working with two people that had a lot of talent, but had very little idea just what they were doing. He was able to calm them down and get both of them to give a very good performance.

After the pilots were filmed they met with the judges and the audience that would be watching their pilots. Bobby Flay brought in the other contestants and they showed some of the outtakes of all of the contestants from all of the shows. This was fun, but I would rather get to see all of both pilots.

Next they showed shortened versions of both pilots. These shortened versions did get the idea of the recipes across, but I would have liked to see all of the steps in both recipes. I thought that both dishes looked interesting and something I would like to try. The thing that really annoyed me about the showing of the pilots was when they would cut to the contestants or the judges instead of showing the pilots. I will say that they did a good job of editing the show so as not to give away the winner, or mislead the viewers into thinking the wrong person won.

After the pilots were shown they gave Melissa and Jeffrey one last chance to tell why they should win. Either one would make a good show, but only one could win.

The judges left the stage to deliberate. They gave the pluses and minuses of each and reached a decision. Again, the editing was well done to not give away the winner.

My pick to win the show was Melissa. I like the way she presents her recipes and I thought her recipe sounded the easiest and the best.

After the deliberations the judges returned and announced the winner. Melissa d’Arabian was the winner and her new show will debut next week. I was impressed with the show overall and I was very impressed with Melissa. I will make it a point to tune in to her new show and see how that goes. I will also make sure I tune in for all of the next season of The Next Food Network Star. It is a good show and the challenges are fair and really test the contestants ability to adapt to difficult situations.

I was watching an episode of Barefoot Contessa the other day, marveling at the venerable Ina Garten, and something suddenly occurred to me — she is Superman.  Not in the sense that she’s going to leap a tall building, let alone a tall step with a single bound, and she’s more likely to stop a beignet than a bullet these days, but aside from that, all signs point to her being the Caped Crusader of the Culinary World.   Sure, this may be a conspiracy theory to toss into the garbage bin, but allow me to defend my position with evidence.

First of all there is her super suit, because what is Superman without his tights and cape? Ina’s go-to consists of her button down dress shirts and khaki capris, a staple that’s almost as signature as the insane amounts of butter, cream, and chocolate she uses in almost every recipe.  (How bad can that be?) I can just imagine walking into her beautifully appointed Hampton home and finding a closet filled with a sea of the same exact St. John button down shirt and J.Crew khaki pants.

Then there’s Jefferey Garten, her loving husband and former Dean of the Yale School of Management, or someone you may know as … Louis Lane.   Think about it: he’s always in the city, and is only around when he is in DANGER … of being famished.  Damsel in distress — CHECK.

Finally, and most obvious of Barefoot Contessa’s similarities to Superman, is the way she melts and turns utterly useless around her Kryptonite.  Of course I speak of her unequivocal weakness and vulnerability for ruggedly handsome gay men with a superb sense of style.  It never fails that when Jefferey is away, the mice will play, and when I say play I mean starting the coals for the BBQ, and/or decorating each place setting with the most delicate of seasonal flowers.  It’s exactly how Superman would act if he were a teenage girl meeting the Jonas Brothers. (Note to self: ‘Next time compare Ina Garten to a teenage girl meeting the Jonas Brothers.’)

Of course I cannot deny how personable Ina is and just how gosh darn bubbly her alter ego, the Barefoot Contessa can be as well, I just can’t keep this secret any longer.  I know in my heart of hearts that Ina Garten is the Superman of the Culinary World and if anyone has seen Ina and the Culinary Superman in the same room at the same time, then by all means get back to me. (I’ll be in my Superman PJ’s … the ones with the feet built in.)

I just watched the last episode of Fox’s Hell’s Kitchen. Somebody please tell me why  anyone would want to be a contestant on this show? Better question, Why does anyone watch this show? I know I do not normally write about TV shows, but I have heard so many people talk about what a great show Hell’s Kitchen is. By the time it was over I was trying to gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon just to make it stop.

Gordon Ramsey is supposed to be a Master Chef? He is a complete idiot. He is not capable of speaking a single complete sentence without profanity. He is an egomaniac that gets his rocks off berating and belittling the contestants on the show. No matter what they do he calls them vulgar names, disparages their family heritage, and threatens to toss them off the show if they don’t step it up. Is this what it is really like to be a Master Chef?

I will give credit to all of the contestants though. I saw at least two of them that were ready to toss the cursing Prima Donna out a window, but they were able to maintain control and not do it. I would not have been able to keep my cool. Gordo would have done his junior Birdman impression through the nearest plate glass if I were in the kitchen.

That is about the only good thing I can say about the contestants on this show. I have never seen a group like this on any of the other non- reality reality shows I have watched. all of them remind me of a bunch of bitchy little girls (thanks Sam). They whined constantly. They were so jealous of each other. They never missed a chance to stab each other in the back and tattle like little school kids when someone made a mistake.

At the beginning of the show the two teams were combined into one and the first individual competition began. Each contestant had 30 minutes to create a dish using all 14 ingredients given to them. I never did figure out what all of the ingredients were.  After the 30 minutes was up The Great Gordo judged each dish. this one was crap because it did not have enough chicken; that one was crap because the chicken was dry.

In the end the dopey-looking jackass with the goatee that at the start of the show was called the weakest member of the team by his team mates won the competition for his stuffed chicken breast with red sauce. I could not understand his mumbling when he told what it actually was, and I know I should know his name, but I would rather just kill the brain cells it would take for me to remember his name than to subject them to the pain of having to remember him at all.

The prize for winning was to go to San Francisco with Gordo. I am not sure why they went to San Francisco, but they showed them wandering around town and doing the tourist thing and then eating in the kitchen of some fancy restaurant. They were so excited to be sitting at this small table in the kitchen of this restaurant and eating some snail dish?

While this was going on the rest of the contestants were given the wonderful task of unloading the supplies for the day. There were deliveries of booze,  seafood, and vegetables. All of the contestants whined about having to do this.  One of them dropped a full case of booze and then said, “That was not my fault. The box broke.”

Next was the miscounting of the lobster. There were supposed to be 36 lobsters in the delivery, but they only counted 34. The delivery driver was chased down and accused of ripping the restaurant off. The lobsters were recounted and there actually were 36 of them. No apologies to the delivery driver — he was just dismissed. Upon the return of Gordo and Goatee boy to the kitchen, Goatee boy proceeded to piss off all of the contestants by telling over and over in great detail all of the wonderful things they had done in San Francisco with Gordo.

Finally they got around to preparing dinner for the restaurant. I had high hopes at this point that the show would turn interesting. After the third or fourth profanity-laced tirade by Gordo that hope was gone. I do not believe they ever got around to actually serving anything but appetizers to the patrons of the restaurant that night and after it was all over and Gordo sent Gomer back to Dog Patch he decided that his only option was to close the restaurant, thus creating the cliff hanger for next week’s episode.

Even if she isn’t you still have to get her something, right? Why not help support CliqueClack at the same time? By clicking on any of the links below (even if you decide to buy that new CD for yourself instead of something for mom), CliqueClack will get a little kickback. This season you can show your mom and CliqueClack some love! Don’t worry, the shameless pimping is done now….

Entertaining With Ina: I love Ina Garten. She makes some insanely good desserts, and has a slew of other nice recipes. She is the queen of entertaining over on the Food Network. If your mom loves throwing dinner parties, this would be perfect for her.

Entertaining Made Easy: Maybe you’re mom isn’t into cutting her own flowers or slaving in the kitchen for hours making some of Ina’s recipes. If she likes having people over and doesn’t want all the work of fancy entertaining, maybe she would like this DVD set featuring Rachael Ray and her 30 minute meals.

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: This may not be right for every mom, but I know my mother loves this show. She’s fallen in love with the spiky-haired Guy Fieri, and I know she drools over all those grease-laden burgers and sandwiches that he gets to taste on this fun show. Who doesn’t?

It Ain’t Just Grits: Even though I’m not from the south, I have grown fond of the crazy lady from Savannah: Paula Deen. Does your mom love adding butter to everything? Does she keep a vat of bacon grease for cooking? Does she have the inability to correctly pronounce the word “oil?” If so, this might be the perfect Mother’s Day gift for her.

If none of the above are right for your mom, you may find something right for her (or you) from the following:

Today’s Guest-clacker is Nicole Yates, who’s clacked for us on CliqueClack TV, most recently about Better Off Ted….

The Travel Channel has a bunch of great shows these days, but the one I love (besides No Reservations with Tony Bourdain) is Man v. Food with Adam Richman. The premise of the show is simple, he travels around and visits eateries in one town each week, but the best part is that at the end of each episode, he takes on a food challenge. It could be 30 dozen oysters, a seven pound burrito, an 80 ounce steak or a whole giant pizza. Sometimes he makes it and sometimes he does not, which I think is one of the best parts of the show. His voice-overs are hilarious and the crowd participation will make you cheer him on at home!

What really makes the show is the host Adam Richman, who, out of terms of full disclosure, I must admit, I have a ridiculous crush on (right up there with Jason Segel). I have watched, for years and years (because I have no life), a ton of Food Network shows where they take a chef, throw them on the road and they feign interest in whatever roadhouse/shack/restaurant/diner/grandmom’s house they happen to end up. Adam, while not actually a chef (or a competitive eater), actually seems to not only be genuinely excited about trying new foods and meeting people, but loves to goof around with them, and that all comes out in the show. It’s almost like hanging out with your best friend from grade school while he tries to eat the most of whatever you’ve got laying around!

They tend to definitely find some interesting places and to mix it up. In Denver, they hit a place that sells all sorts of big game meat that has been there since Teddy Roosevelt was president, in Minneapolis they hit 2 places that have competing Juicy Lucy burgers (burgers with cheese in the middle), and in NYC they find a place that has the hottest curry in the world (which, of course, was his challenge that week!). Even the city-specific little interstitials that he does to get ready for the challenge are funny: running with Vikings in Minneapolis and Eating burritos in the middle of the Broncos field are two great examples. It might be a little hammy, but it works!

The Travel Channel seems to have done it right with this traveling show of goofball-ness, food challenges and colorful eateries. Bourdain is great, but he is also kind of a too-cool-for-school guy at times, which works for him, but Adam is the flip side of the coin: wanting to see what’s out there, not taking it super seriously and working to get his picture on as many walls as possible! I just wish the show would come to Philly, I have a ton of places I could take him to, but oddly enough, nowhere that has a food challenge.

For another view on Man v. Food, head over to CliqueClack TV and read Bill White’s version, complete with original artwork….

Where is all the Asian cuisine? Food Network has been doing a pretty good job diversifying themselves the past couple of years, adding Ingrid Hoffman and Daisy Martinez to fill out the great Latin and South American cooking, but they’re still missing out.

I love Asian food; whether it’s Chinese, Japanese (suuuuuuushi…), Thai (curry!), Indian (more curry!), Vietnamese (pho), or Korean (barbeque) it’s all good. Now, if I could put a list like that together in mere seconds, don’t you think a sustainable television show could be dedicated to cooking these things?

I understand that there are some concerns. A show dedicated to Asian cooking may not have the same mass appeal as a 30 Minute Meals or Everyday Italian. Also, many Asian dishes require specialty ingredients that many people may not have access to. However, it’s been my experience that most supermarkets these days are getting more diverse ingredients, or even featuring “international” sections.

At one time, Food Network did feature Ming Tsai (one of my favorite chefs — his restaurant, Blue Ginger, in suburban Boston, is amazing) in East Meets West, but it hasn’t been on the channel for some time. It was a great show, and I think that there is definitely space on the Food Network for a similar program.

Step up Food Network! It’s time to celebrate all the food of the world.

Today? I’m not the biggest fan of Rachael anymore. In fact, it’s gotten to the point that when I see 30 Minute Meals coming on, I quickly change the channel.

I don’t think Rachael has changed. I think she’s always been herself, along with the huge personality and enduring goofiness. I think it’s really just a case of overexposure. Even before she had her morning talk show, the Food Network fell in love with her and she had as many as three of four shows going at the same time. it became a treat to turn on the Food Network and not see Rachael Ray.

I think Rachael also issued in a new regime at the Food Network, bringing more casual cooking to the channel. Shows began to focus on simple recipes and hosts with a lot of personality. I don’t mind it so much, but there are times I long for the classic cooking shows of old with real professional chefs (not cooks) like Julia Child, Todd English, Jacques Peppin, and Jeff Smith. Perhaps it’s just nostalgia clouding my vision. Besides, I have to admit that Ray’s recipes, while not complex or very sophisticated, are usually quick, easy, and tasty.

What are your thoughts on Rachael? Are you still on board her bandwagon? Did you ever get on it at all?

I love when Aunt Raffi shows up on the show. I know I’m not the only one, because she has appeared on the show on numerous occasions, with her larger-than-life personality in tow. Between having no idea how to bake and wanting to put garlic in everything, Raffi is a riot to watch.

It’s great watching the interaction between Giada and Raffi. You can tell that Giada tries to be as patient as she can, but Raffi certainly makes it hard. She doesn’t really take direction well, and is always making snide little comments about the “new things she’s learning about cooking” while in the kitchen with Giada. In the episode I was watching, they were making stuffed tomatoes and Raffi was amazed that Giada was seeding the tomatoes, noting that she had never squeezed the seeds out of a tomato in her entire life. Other highlights of the episode included Raffi trying to bully Giada into putting garlic in the stuffing for the tomatoes and Raffi not knowing how to pulse a food processor. Good fun!

I really wish that I could have a pest like Raffi in the kitchen with me when I’m cooking. It might not make for the most productive cooking session, but it would definitely be entertaining.

My brother advertised the show as “horrible.” After watching the show for myself, I have to say that I concur. However, I don’t think the blame for the show lies with Daisy Martinez, herself. Instead, the poor production value and sloppy camera work are the most offensive things about the show.

I actually feel bad for Daisy. She isn’t all that bad on camera (no worse than a lot of the current chefs were in their first few episodes), and her food looks really good. She’s just not being well served by the production on the show. The camera work is all over the place. It seems like they are trying for the classic Food Network style of the wide kitchen shot interspersed with close ups. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but for most of the shows on the Food Network, this style is accomplished by shooting an entire show twice: once for the wide shot all the way through, and then a second time for the close ups. On Viva Daisy, there are a lot of fast moving camera shots and cuts, with zoom ins and zoom outs to try to accomplish this look. It doesn’t work to say the least. The herky-jerky camera style was visually jarring and actually started to make me a little dizzy as I watched it.

I wonder if the Food Network realized this before the show aired, because there has been barely any hype or advertising for the show, especially compared to a lot of the new shows that they feature. For example, they’re pushing the crap out of Will Work for Food, it seems like there is an ad for it at least two or three times per show. Further, Daisy Martinez doesn’t even appear on the front page of the Food Network website with the rest of the TV chefs.

As I said before the food looks great (check out this recipe for halibut with an olive tapenade), so I hope they give Daisy another chance with a better show.