“That’s your plan? Disguises and accents?” – Dan
“I never said anything about accents. Can you do any?” – Blair
“Well if taught at Nightly I wouldn’t bring my Mystic Pizza townie family to school events either.” – Blair
“Zoey just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight. Who’s in?” – Ted
“Sorry, I am … uh um uh … washing my hair.” – Lily
“Running the water.” – Marshall
“Holding her towel.” – Robin
“And I’ll be home trying to get over the fact that no one invited me to the big hair washing party.” – Barney
“It’s not far from heavy metal to gold medal! Go for it!” – Judge Dick Buttons spurring on Vince Neil
“I just want to mention, Johnny: Puke does not look good on the ice.” – Vernon Kay regarding Brandon Mychal Smith’s decision not to skate due to illness
“Love is blind.” –Kono, about the victim and her mega-plain husband
“Not that blind.” – Danno
“This guy is beyond disturbed. I bet he even eats from the buffet line.” – Danno
“I haven’t celebrated my birthday since the third time I turned 28.” – Renee
“I admit, she was much nicer when she was fat.” – Bree on Tracy’s terrible behavior
“When you said you were the fun one on the lane, who was your competition? The mailbox?” – Renee to Susan, after she talked about cooking chicken for 45 minutes
“Talk less.” – Jeff
“Oh sorry, just being sociable.” – Adam
“I’ll tell you what – you’re the understudy for the TV. If something happens to it, you’re on.” – Jeff
“We’ll see who brings the most peace on Earth bitch!” – Virginia
“It’s confusing for a baby to play with a doll that’s the same age as her. She might think it’s unfriendly. Or dead.” – Virginia
“Can I be honest? I don’t understand the difference between an elf and a slave.” – Brittany to a department store elf
“I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.” – Mike’s Christmas wish
“You’ve gotten really tan.” – Brittany
“That’s because at the North Pole there’s a hole in the ozone layer.” – African-American Santa
“Becky, go into the glove box of my Le Car and bring me my tear gas. Then get me Gloria Allred.” – Sue, as Will attempts to take back her Secret Santa gifts
“‘The hell, Conforth. You can’t beat me on the field so now you’re trying to beat me off?” – Lassiter
“You may want to rephrase that, sir.” – Shawn
“I grabbed pretzels and graham crackers and whoppers and marshmallow mix. Basically, I’m making crack for small children.” – Chef Dale Levitski on cooking for kids
“I have no interest in having children. Ever.” – Chef Jamie Lauren
“Let me tell you something … It is every coach’s dream to experience the highest level of idiocy that his team can muster. And gentlemen, collectively, us coaches are living a dream.” – Coach Taylor
“It’s the first season of Lost.”- Abed
“That’s the meaning of Christmas?”- Pierce
“No, it’s a metaphor for a lack of payoff.” – Abed
“Obesity is killing the African American community… with laughter!” – Kenneth on Tracy’s new movie “The Chunks 2″
“Oh Liz! I’m sorry, I thought you were a transvestite.” – Paul
“That’s bullcwap! Stop busting my bwalls.” -Kevin and Jenny’s 6 year-old daughter Ellie
“Where does she learn to talk like that?! I knew we would have a dick kid.” – Kevin
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
“It doesn’t feel good! This sucks! This sucks a bag of dicks!”- Dee starting to go into labor
“Out of my way! I’ve broken my water! There’s a baby inside of me running out of water!” – Dee
“Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.” – Kelly
Clacked by Carissa Pavlica 
on Dec 12, 2010 @ 17:23 EST5EDT
. . . . .
Carissa <—– can decipher quotations with the best of'em