Quotation Marks – Pan Am, Vampire Diaries and HIMYM

We’ve got a nice collection of quotes for you this week, with everything represented. We’ve got everything from the Vampire Diaries to Dan Le Batard’s new show on ESPN. If we missed your favorite, be sure to share it in the comments!

Pan Am (Review)

 “[Hands Maggie a bottle of Cocoa Butter] My buddy and I were hoping you could settle a bet for us.” – Navy Guy
“Yes, it’s true … guarantees deep, lingering color.” – Maggie

 The Vampire Diaries (Review)

“You know Stefan — journaling, reading, shaping his hair….” — Damon

“But you think that I’m crazy, to believe that I can protect myself from a vampire who flipped the switch on his humanity.” – Elena
“I think you found a way to get out of bed this morning, and that makes you the strongest person I know. I think you can do pretty much anything.” — Alaric

How I Met Your Mother (Review)

“I like that. What started out as something really creepy turned out really sweet.” – Janet
“That’s kinda my move.” — Ted

“Oh my God. They’re six minutes into the date … Ted’s probably already told her he loves her!” – Barney

Man Up! (Review)

“How ’bout a couple hookers? Or a trash bag full of chicken wings?” — Kenny in response to Will’s question about what is appropriate for his son’s 13th birthday

“Who gives a shaving kit to a kid he’s never met?!?” — Will
“A touchy, feely jackass, that’s who.” – Kenny

Castle (Review)

“Someone stole the ‘Fist of Capitalism?’ Did anyone check out the ‘Ass of Socialism?’” – Castle

“Oh, Finn, I’ve been busy.” – Serena
“Busy with what, Jason Bateman over here?” – Finn
“Hey, that got me out of a speeding ticket once!” – Castle

“So you were like the female Indiana Jones, only without the hat and whip.” – Castle
“Well – without the hat.” – Serena
“It’s getting hot in here.” – Castle

Dancing with the Stars (Review)

“They’re the ying to your yang … they’re the black to your white … they’re the Dolce to your Gabbana.” — Carson Kressley

Psych (Review)

“OK, if no one is going to freak out, I will.” – Gus
“I am sensing that our victim was some kind of stalker.” – Shawn
“Stalker?” – Lassiter
“Yeah, I got a vision. Blonde woman. Attractive in a soccer mom kind of way. Kinda Teri Garr-esque.” – Shawn

“Man, I told you eating something called ‘Stick of butter in a bun’ was a bad idea.“ – Shawn
“I can’t help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.” – Gus
“You’re buttery.” – Shawn
“You know that’s right.” – Gus

“They’re a couple, man. They’re together. He’s … he’s not our suspect because they’re lovers … in the nighttime. He can’t quit him.” – Shawn
“Maybe they recognize you from Children of the Corn.” – Gus
“Maybe they recognize you from The Cosby Show, Bud!” – Donut Guy
“I’m not Bud!” – Gus

“Who the hell is Ed Lover?” – Henry
“C’mon, son!” – Gus and Shawn

Two and a Half Men 

“Alcohol is just a bandage for your problems. I know … because I used to live with The Mummy.” – Alan talking to Walden about drinking and Charlie

Big Bang Theory (Review)

“I’m not going to get my pecan pie, am I?” – Sheldon
“Want some Oreos?” – Leonard
“Double stuffed?” – Sheldon
“No, regular.” – Leonard
“Nice, kick a man when he’s down.” – Sheldon

“Let me ask you, when you get back out there, are you wearing this?” – Mrs. Cooper
“Look, it’s super cute on. That top has paid for itself in free drinks like ten times what it cost.” – Penny
“Yes, Penny has a lot of money tied up in promiscuity futures.” – Sheldon

“Hun, do you think maybe the reason you’re having trouble finding a guy to settle down with is because you’re letting him ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket?” – Mrs. Cooper
“Oh, they don’t always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.” – Penny

“[Speaking about visiting Rodeo Drive] Well, I can’t afford to spend $12,000 on a handbag, but it’s free to look upon those who do with righteous condemnation.” – Mrs. Cooper

Sanctuary (Review)

“Are you saying you’re better than me because you’re a werewolf? I resent that.” – Will
“Bigger, faster, stronger … let’s not argue semantics, Will.” – Henry

“Have fun storming the castle.” -Will (to Henry)

“Take me to your leader. Yes, I just said that.”- Henry

“Are you saying the breach is coming from inside the sanctuary?” – Will

The Soup

“Congratulations, Libya. This finally makes up for what you did to Doc Brown and Marty McFly.” — Joel McHale

Dan Le Batard is Highly Questionable

 “I’m an African-American Colonel Sanders.” — Dan Le Batard looking at himself on a thermal camera

The League

“Hey!” — All but Ruxin
“What are you doing here?” — Ruxin
“Oh, I was just checking out houses in the neighborhood.” — Kevin
“There’s nothing around here you can afford.” — Ruxin
“We have plans.” — Andre
“I never make plans with you, Andre.” — Ruxin
“Just lending you that bike pump you were asking for.” — Pete
“Oh, the one with my name on it that’s in my garage normally?” — Ruxin
“I’m just here to check out the Au Pair.” — Taco
“I appreciate your transparency, Taco.” — Ruxin
“I also need to use your urinal.” — Taco
“We don’t have a urinal … just a shower that you pee in.” — Ruxin

“Whoa! Taco, that’s Matthew Berry.” — Kevin
“Mr. Sunshine?!” — Taco
“Not Matthew Perry, dummy. Matthew Berry … the talented Mr. Roto.” — Kevin
“Matt Damon?” — Taco

Up All Night

“Listen to me, b-word. Get your sweet a-word in the car. You’re going to help your friend! F-word!” — Missy

Happy Endings

“My Max thing? What, being funny and surprising? And people are like, ‘there’s Max, watch what happens!’ Then other people are like, ‘very funny’. Then other people are like ‘characters welcome’.” — Max

“Okay, those are just the taglines from Bravo, TBS, and USA.” – Brad

“I am still mad at you, but right now I have to prioritize my hate. And it goes her, cooked green peppers, and then back to you, champ.” — Max