This week’s quotes are all about America. There’s Jesus, Carrie Underwood, pioneers, and the president. No matter what you were watching this week, it seemed as though the conversation eventually turned back to this great land of ours.
Just a warning before you proceed: the White House Correspondents’ Dinner was this week, so we have some quotes from that. This isn’t about politics; it’s something that was on television that had people opening their mouths and saying funny words. If it’s going to bother you, or if reading it is going to make it impossible for you to refrain from making a snide comment about politics, this site, or the writers herein, don’t read it. Today is my first Mother’s Day, and I am NOT IN THE MOOD.
Aside from that, if you have your own favorite quotes from the week, feel free to add them below!
Gossip Girl
Georgina: “I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel.”
Blair: “That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice.”
How I Met Your Mother
From Marshall’s chart: Ranking of Presidents (by how dirty their names sound): “Johnson, Bush, Harding, Polk, Filmore, Pierce, LBJ, Hoover, Bush, Clinton.”
“Oh no, don’t get me wrong — you’re disgusting, and the cops should probably clamp a boot on your genitals…” – Marshall to Barney, regarding his 199 women
Parks and Recreation
“In a town as old as Pawnee there’s a lot of history in every acre. This wooded area is the site of the murder, actually, of Nathanial Bixby Mark. He was a pioneer who was killed by a tribe of Wamapoke Indians. He traded them a baby for the city that is now Indianapolis. They cut his face off and made it into a dreamcatcher. And they made his legs into rainsticks. That’s the great thing about Indians, back then, is they used every part of the pioneer.” – Leslie
Saturday Night Live
“I’d like to think that, at first, he’ll date a popular female singer. Publicly, they’ll claim to be virgins, but privately … he hit it.” — Cornelius Timberlake, in 1883, on what he envisions his great, great grandson being like.
White House Correspondents’ Dinner
“I am Barack Obama. Most of you cover me. All of you voted for me… apologies to the FOX table.” – Barack Obama
“Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he was very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.” – Obama
“All this change hasn’t easy, but change never is. So I’ve cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic, but you’ve just got to keep him on a tight leash. Every so often he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself in trouble. But enough about Joe Biden.” – Obama
“It’s funny to me that they never caught you smoking, but they somehow always catch you with your shirt off. I know you’re into this transparency thing, but I don’t need to see your nipples… there was never a nipple portrait of Lincoln. I’m sorry.” – Wanda Sykes
“Dick Cheney is trying to defend torture… he goes yeah, well, they should release the memos to show all that good information we got with our practices. You can’t defend torture! That’s like me robbing a bank and then going in front of the judge and saying yes, your honor, I robbed a bank, but look at all these bills I paid.” – Wanda Sykes
Clacked by Kona Gallagher 
on May 10, 2009 @ 21:08 EST5EDT
Uhm…Happy Mother’s Day, Kona?
(Was that okay?)
*POST AUTHOR*
Ha! Yes. Thank you.