Like everybody else on the face of the earth, I’m ridiculously obsessed with Pinterest. Sure, I could do without the proliferation of twee inspirational quotes in interesting typefaces and living rooms that I’ll never be able to afford, but there is no better website out there right now for random dinner inspiration.

I saw this pin for baked spaghetti, and immediately knew that I wanted to try it. Cooper, like most three-year-olds, loves pasta, so I’m always looking for new recipes. This particular baked spaghetti recipe involves ground beef, which I don’t eat, and canned tomato sauce, which I don’t have. However, the best thing about pasta is that it’s infinitely customizable, so I took the basic idea and just went with it.

Baked Spaghetti

• 8 oz. Spaghetti
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 1 diced onion
• 1 tbs Italian seasoning
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 cups mozzarella
• salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350. Cook your spaghetti according to package directions. Meanwhile, quarter your onion and dice it along with the garlic in the food processor. Put diced onion in a large bowl. Put diced tomatoes and italian seasoning in food processor and process until you get most of the chunks out. Add the tomato and spice mixture to the diced onion. Add tomato sauce and mix everything together. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add cooked spaghetti to sauce and stir, making sure to coat spaghetti evenly.

Transfer mixture into a greased baking dish. Sprinkle mozzarella on top and bake for about 30 minutes, or until the cheese is hot and bubbly.

Kid Tip: Since you’re using a food processor, this is a great opportunity to get some extra veggies into your kid without them noticing. Throw some baby spinach, zucchini, and/or broccoli in the food processor along with the diced tomatoes for some extra nutrition.

Every spring/summer I seem to become obsessed with grape tomatoes. I put them in everything, whether they’re called for or not. So naturally, when I see a recipe that actually calls for them, my interest is immediately piqued. So that’s why when friend of CliqueClack and noted vegetarian Wil Wheaton tweeted a recipe for Quinoa-stuffed portobellos and the picture showed delicious grape tomatoes, I immediately hit the grocery store.

In addition to my grape tomato obsession, I’m also always looking for new uses for quinoa. In fact, I took some of the left over cream sauce from last week’s recipe and replaced the pasta with quinoa. It was pretty delightful. I modified this recipe as well, because I do not enjoy fruit in non-fruit or dessert dishes, so putting raisins in this would have really bummed me out. However, if that’s your bag, then follow the original recipe as she has it.

This recipe is both vegan and gluten-free, but I made it non-vegan by adding delicious, delicious cheese. With that said, I do not recommend what I did with the first one, which was add gorgonzola. As much as I love it, it was just too overpowering for this dish. For the second, I added goat cheese and baked that on, which was 100% perfect.

She also says to add either basil, mint or parsley. I chose basil, which again, went wonderfully with the grape tomatoes. I also added more garlic than is called for, but I do that with everything I cook. I also left out the scallions, because they’re gross. With or without the recipe modifications, this is a delicious, light summer dinner.

I don’t remember if it was on Facebook or on Twitter, but I came across The Pioneer Woman’s recipe for pasta with pesto cream sauce and I was inspired. I’m a total brown thumb, but each year I try to convince myself that this year’s the year I’m going to grow something awesome. I bought some basil plants from the farmer’s market a few months ago, and lo and behold: they’re not dead yet. In fact they’re thriving so much, that I need to start using some of it before I’m overwhelmed by a basil forest.

The thing is, I’m also in the middle of a Sons of Anarchy marathon on Netflix Instant, so I didn’t want to go to the grocery store. That meant that actually making her cream sauce was out, since I don’t have heavy cream on hand. So I searched around and after many weird and unappetizing recipes, found this one for a low-fat cream sauce. It’s great because the ingredients are pretty common, but it’s also hilarious because I’m not entirely sure you can count anything that has flour, butter, Parmesan cheese and an egg as “low fat.”

My pesto recipe was similarly ad-hoc. Although it’s close to Deb’s classic pesto recipe, I didn’t actually measure anything. I also added some spinach instead of parsley, which I never really use for anything. The key though, is the lemon. I used an entire half — I love the tang it adds.

I also toasted the pine nuts first, which gave it a delightfully nutty flavor.

The spinach also makes the pesto a little bit milder and obviously gives it the added benefit of all of those spinachy nutrients.

After you’re finished with the pesto, try to restrain yourself from digging out a loaf of bread and eating it all right there. It’ll be hard, because it’s SO GOOD. Instead, boil a pot of water for the pasta. and follow the directions for the cream sauce — I was impressed with how thick it actually got.

While you’re waiting for that to thicken, slice some grape tomatoes in half and saute them. They’ll add a little burst of sweetness to the finished product.

Once the cream sauce is finished, add the tomatoes and the pesto and mix together.

Toss with your choice of pasta. I used ziti because short pasta is easy for a toddler (Cooper loved this, by the way), but if it were just me, I’d use angel hair.

Word of warning: this recipe yields a crapload of cream sauce. Either be prepared to make a lot of pasta, or dust off those math skills and halve the recipe.

My lovely friend Meredith (of Zephaniah Wine) made this amazing black bean and corn salad/dip thing one weekend, and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. It’s super-easy to make, and ridiculously good. Sure, it’s all veggies, with nary a meat or cheese in sight, but I stand by its deliciousness enough to confidently say that you can bring it to a Super Bowl party this weekend and you won’t get thrown out of the building.

Generally canned vegetables freak me out, but it’s winter, so good corn on the cob is going to be hard to come by. Plus, frozen corn really won’t work for this unless you want to put a lot more time in it that is required. This dip should be served room temperature or cold, so you’d have to cook the corn and cool it before you’re ready to put it in — and that’s just crazy talk.

I also didn’t get the recipe from Meredith, I basically recreated it from the dreams I had about this dip every night since she made it. I asked her later, and it turns out I got pretty close. So without further ado. …

Black Bean Corn Salad/Dip

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.

Ingredients:

• 1 can black beans (I use the reduced sodium kind)
• 1 can corn (I use the kind without salt. There’s certainly a theme here)
• 1 large avocado
• 2 Roma tomatoes
• 1/2 red onion
• 1/2 lime
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro (don’t pack it down or anything ridiculous like that — you don’t need a ton.)
• 2 tbs malt vinegar
• salt and pepper to taste

The reason I love this recipe so much is because it’s ridiculously quick and easy. Drain the black beans and the corn and  put them in a large salad bowl. Chop up the avocado and the tomatoes and add them to the bowl. I actually only used 1/4 of the onion because I don’t really like them. I also chopped them as finely as I could, but that’s really dependent on your own personal onion groove.

At this point, you have the base of the dip in place:

Now you’re just bringing it all together. Squeeze your 1/2 lime into the bowl, add the cilantro and the vinegar. You’ll probably have to play around with the vinegar and salt and pepper to get it to the exact taste you want. It also serves as a nice excuse to eat a bunch of it before you relinquish it to your guests. Stir it all up, and you’re ready to go!

Like Nathan Fillion’s bean dip, you’re going to need a sturdy chip for this bad boy. Mission Rounds are good, as are the Archer Farms blue corn tortilla chips that I grabbed from Target.

Since I’m working from home again, I’m making an effort to find new things to cook and to figure out ways for Cooper to eat vegetables (2-year-olds apparently don’t like to do that. Who knew?). So last week, I made a trip to the grocery store to find new and exciting dishes to make.

Months before, I had downloaded a Simply Organic iPhone app, but hadn’t really used it. Now I have the time, so I decided to see what it had to offer. The first recipe I tested out was this Italian Egg Bake. They can call it whatever they want, but it’s basically a frittata. Regardless of the name, it screamed “EXCUSE TO USE LOTS OF VEGGIES” at me.

The best part about this recipe though is that it’s ridiculously quick to make. Granted, it has to cook for a long time, so it does require some forethought, but all you have to do is mix up a couple of ingredients in a bowl, stick it in a pie pan and put it in the oven. Done.

I had a few issues with the recipe: One is that the only seasoning called for is Italian dressing mix. That sounded kind of gross to me, but I decided to give it a whirl. It was actually pretty good! The other, was that it only called for 1/2 cup of veggies. That seemed to defeat the entire purpose for me, so I changed it to about 1/2 cup of each veggie: tomatoes, mushrooms, and asparagus.

It turned out great, and Cooper eventually ate it. I say eventually because when he first saw the triangle slice on his plate he went, “Pizza! Pizza!” As good as this egg bake was, when you’re a toddler who’s expecting pizza, it’s pretty much the worst thing ever. He had a couple of bites, but when we put a leftover slice in his lunch the next day for school, he ate most of it.

In any case, I certainly call this recipe a success. Plus, it’s a really good dish to make when you end up in a situation (as I so often do) of having leftover veggies that aren’t going to stay fresh much longer. Chop ‘em up and throw them in!

My dad took me out to lunch a few weeks ago, which was awesome because he paid, but also because I had an amazing polenta dish. It was a creamy polenta with mixed wild mushrooms, mozzarella cheese, and balsamic vinegar. I could tell that there were only a few ingredients involved, so as soon as I took my first bite, I vowed to recreate it at home.

This also dovetails nicely with my goal of cooking more and finding a larger variety of foods for my toddler to reject (or eat! Which would be awesome!), and I thought polenta may be something he would actually dig. Polenta is also something that I’ve used a few times, but have been wanting to try to incorporate into more dishes. As a vegetarian, it’s really easy to fall into a pasta rut, especially when you’re trying to find something a meat eater will enjoy as well, so polenta seems like a nice alternative.

From what I understand, making polenta is pretty easy, but this was a new recipe as it was, and I was looking for something with very little prep time and dishes. That’s where my tube o’ polenta came in handy. Instead of a creamy polenta dish, I decided that polenta cakes were the way to go.

Polenta Mushroom Cakes

• One tube of original flavor polenta
• 8 0z. package of sliced mushrooms (a mix is good, but I just used baby bellas)
• 4 oz. sliced mozzarella
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 2 Tbs. olive oil
• balsamic vinegar
• splash of red wine (optional)

Dice the garlic and heat up the olive oil in a saute pan. Add garlic, mushrooms and a splash of red wine if you’re feeling adventurous. Saute ingredients over medium heat for about 10 minutes, or until the mushrooms are soft and most of the liquid has cooked down.

While the mushrooms are cooking, slice the polenta tube into rounds. Fry the polenta over medium to medium-high heat, using olive oil or cooking spray. Cook for approximately three minutes on each side.

Place polenta circles on a cookie sheet and cover with the mushroom mixture. Top with mozzarella cheese and put under the broiler for 5 minutes, or until cheese is melted. Remove, drizzle on some balsamic and enjoy!

Ever since I was introduced to quinoa through the fantastic zucchini quinoa dish, I’ve been looking for more ways to incorporate it. Deb’s pesto quinoa recipe is quite good as well, but I came to a (rather late) realization recently: The quinoa doesn’t have to be the main event. Luke suggested a burrito night, so I decided to try quinoa in it instead of rice.

Luke thought this sounded disgusting, so he wanted no part of it. I, however, thought it was a brilliant idea. I love rice, but that’s my problem: I love rice. I can’t stop eating it. Any time we get Chinese food, I can’t stop until I’m on the couch, clutching my expanding stomach and moaning, “Why did you let me eat all that?” I ignore the answer of, “Because you’re an adult who should know better,” and search around for any food that I missed.

So having quinoa in place of the rice should solve my biggest problem. The rice won’t expand in my stomach, and instead of the zero nutritional value of white rice, I’ll get some extra protein from the quinoa. It’s a win-win, right? Luke certainly didn’t think so, but he was totally wrong.

I made my burrito: quinoa, black beans, avocado, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream and salsa, and it was delicious. Sure, not as good as Chipotle, but nothing is. It was, however, the best burrito I’ve ever made at home. And, yes, I may have had two, but I didn’t end up writhing around on the couch, so I consider it a success.

I have to work on Saturdays, which sucks, but the upshot is that Luke stays home with the baby and desperately needs things to do in order to fill up the hours. So every Saturday morning, he takes Cooper to the local Farmer’s Market and I am greeted with a bounty of deliciousness every time I come home.

Debbie has already talked about how eggs from the Farmer’s Market are better than anything else on earth, but I would like to add to that by saying Farmer’s Market butter? Out. Of. Control. However, this post is about neither of those things. It’s about the traditional Farmer’s Market fare: veggies.

Luke usually brings home some zucchini and squash, but this past weekend he brought home a giant yellow squash. At the beginning of the season, he also brought home some heirloom cherry tomato plants, which we’ve been container gardening on the back deck. The cherry tomato plants have been growing like crazy, so we constantly need to find new things to do with our bounty of cherry tomatoes. So last week, I decided to make a kick-ass pizza.

Veggie pizzas are completely underrated, and a great way to use up veggies when you may have too many around the house. Plus, I have a toddler who lives on nothing but soy milk and fruit, so I’m constantly trying to find ways to get him to eat veggies — or anything else at all, really. So a deep-dish pizza seemed to be the way to go.

I would have loved to do everything from scratch, but I totally cheated. We used the “just add water” crust mix and jarred pizza sauce, but the sheer amount of veggie goodness makes up for it (in my mind, at least). Squash and mozzarella cheese from the Farmer’s market, tomatoes from our back yard, and grocery store portobello mushrooms and garlic made for a ridiculous pizza that even the baby ate. It was so good, in fact, that I even ate the leftovers for lunch the next day — and I hate leftover pizza.

Making this not only used up some veggies, but took just as long as ordering a pizza — and was infinitely better. So the next time you have asparagus that’s on its last leg, or you go a little crazy at the Farmer’s Market, throw it all in a pizza. If my kid will eat it, it’s pretty much a magical thing.

A few weeks ago brought a day of firsts. It was Cooper’s first baseball game, and my first baseball game hot dog. Two momentous occasions, one of which was inevitable, and one of which I would have never thought possible without employing some awkward veggie hot dog smuggling. Also, “veggie hot dog smuggling” is not a euphemism for some weird sex act. For once.

I didn’t have to smuggle in a veggie dog because Camden Yards, home of the Baltimore Orioles, serves veggie dogs! Yes, that’s kind of a lame thing to get geeked about, but geeked I got. I finally got to be one of the beer-swilling, hot dog-eating masses at a ball game on a blisteringly hot Sunday afternoon. I couldn’t have been happier.

I was so excited that I may have gone a little overboard with the ketchup and mustard, but dammit, it was great. I didn’t get anything else on it, because I hate onions, and sweet relish is of the devil, but I didn’t need anything else. The sweet taste of victory was quite enough.

For meat eaters or recent vegetarians, my exuberance over a veggie dog may seem a bit odd, but it was a big deal for me, a life-long vegetarian. I’ve always been a weirdo, always conspicuously eating sides, or in cases like a ball game, popcorn, so it was really cool to be able to actually look normal for once.

I had my hot dog, my fries, and Cooper enjoyed his first baseball game while stealing peanuts from the lady behind us like the feral raccoon he clearly is. All in all, it was a fantastic afternoon.

I’m like a battered wife when it comes to the Ruby Tuesday veggie burger. We had so many good times. I can so vividly recall some of our happiest days; days filled with food, and friends, and laughter, that it’s difficult for me to reconcile it with the cruel bastard that it has become. So I keep on going back. I know he hasn’t changed; the menu still has the haunting phrase, “made with rice and black beans,” yet I am incapable of staying away.

If you’ll recall, the day that I had the new Ruby Tuesday veggie burger was the day my life ended– or at least, that’s what it felt like. Of course, it should probably be noted that I had just given birth, so the combination of stress, lack of sleep and hormones had me on a crazy train heading to Nutsville, but that doesn’t mean that thing sucked any less. My pain was real.

However, after about a year or so had gone by, I figured I’d return to my abusive lover. Now, the veggie burgers come in slider form, which was enough of a change to give me a small glimmer of hope that they no longer tasted as though they came out of a toilet in a Taco Bell.

Surprisingly enough, they actually were better. It may be the fact that they were smaller allowed them to get crispier, but they definitely didn’t make me want to kill myself this time, or start taking hostages. They’re still a husk of their former selves, but it seems as though its court-ordered therapy has actually done some good. However, until Ruby Tuesday brings back the original veggie burger, I’m still going to be on the lookout for someone who treats me a little bit better.

No, seriously. Where can I get a decent veggie burger, you guys?

I know that I can often be hyperbolic, but seriously. I cannot praise Amy’s enough. For those of you who don’t peruse the vegetarian section of your grocer’s freezer, allow me to enlighten you. Amy’s is a section of natural and/or organic vegetarian meals that are drop-dead delicious. From spinach and feta pockets, to pot pies, to mattar paneer, there is more variety in Amy’s than any other frozen food line that I’ve seen. Plus, as an extra bonus, they’re generally low in fat and calories. There’s even an Amy’s Diet for those who are so inclined.

I have a weird day job in which I generally don’t get a traditional lunch break — that’s what’s driven me to these more than ever before. I used to buy them every now and again, but only stuck to a few dishes. Now, since I’m eating them several days a week, it’s forced me to broaden my horizons — and I have yet to find a meal I haven’t liked.

Before, when it came to packing a lunch for work, the only options were the fat and calorie-laden frozen meals, of which there were few vegetarian options, or the Lean Cuisine-type diet meals, which generally tasted like paste. Now, I have a giant line of food to choose from, which is a huge deal for someone who was raised a vegetarian. I’m used to only having a couple of options, so as a result, I often eat the same thing over and over again. Being able to choose from an entire line of readily-available food is a whole new world for me.

I know that I sound like a shill for Amy’s, but it’s really just a matter of finding a product that I really enjoy. Trust me: even if you aren’t a vegetarian, these can’t be beat when it comes to frozen food.

Last week, we had my dad and step-mother over for the football playoffs. Luke, who uses any excuse to spend a billion dollars at the grocery store, decided he wanted to make subs. Except, that’s not what he was planning on doing at all. He said “subs,” but what he actually meant was “a muffaletta the size of my head.”

He was planning on making a vegetarian version that involved vegetarian lunch meat, but that wasn’t sounding too great to me, mainly because the second I heard “muffaletta,” I had a completely different picture in mind. There’s a cafe around here called South Street Under, and they make a vegetarian muffaletta sandwich that is to die for. So that’s what I set out to do.

I couldn’t remember exactly what they put on the sandwich, but I had the general idea, so I just decided to wing it. I was going to put zucchini, squash and eggplant, but unfortunately, the grocery store across the street was out of yellow squash, so I just used extra zucchini and threw in some spinach and mushrooms that I already had in the house.

I figured Luke would be bringing home a long Italian roll, but instead he brought home these huge rounds. Apparently, that’s traditionally how a muffaletta is served, and you cut pieces like you’re cutting a cake. A giant sandwich cake that was perfect to share while watching football. So perfect, in fact, that I’m serving it again during the Super Bowl!

Before we go any further, here’s the recipe:

Vegetarian Muffaletta

Ingredients:

• One large round (if you’re feeling daring) or Italian loaf
• 1 cup olive tapenade (from this recipe)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 lemon
• 1 baby eggplant
• 1 zucchini
• 1 yellow squash
• 1 cup portabella mushrooms (I used baby bellas)
• 2 cups fresh spinach
• pepper to taste
• 8 slices provolone cheese

The first thing I did was whip up my trusty olive tapenade. It takes a minute to just throw in the food processor, and it’s delicious. The problem with sandwiches like this is that oftentimes they end up bland. The tapenade adds the kick that the veggies need.

While I’m working on this, I heat up the oil in my saute pan. I had to do this in two batches, so I used half the oil. While that’s heating, I spread the tapenade on the bottom half of my bread and set it aside. I saute the veggies, making sure to add the spinach last, as to not get it too wilted. As they’re sauteing, squeeze the lemon onto them. Generally, I saute vegetables in garlic, olive oil and pepper, but in this recipe I replace the garlic with the lemon, since the tapenade is quite garlicky enough.

After you have your sauteed vegetables, pile them on top of the bottom half of the bread and cover with the provolone cheese.

Cover with the top of the bread, and bake in the oven at 375 for about 10 minutes or until the cheese is melted and bubbly, and the bread is crusty.

Cut like a giant sandwich cake and enjoy!

For better or for worse, pasta is a staple in many vegetarian diets (and that sentence is how I am able to justify this as a “Hold the Meat” post [brilliant!]). A lot of times, I’ll pretend to be healthier about it by buying whole wheat pasta and/or organic noodles. However, sometimes I”ll just throw the $1.00/box stuff in there too.

The other day though, I was reading All & Sundry, and she was talking about how she’s recently been making more food from scratch. This is something I’ve been trying to do as well, especially now that Cooper is a bit older and is eating human food (as opposed to, you know, dog food). So I clicked through to some of the recipes that she’s used, and holy crap! Why the hell didn’t anybody tell me that there are only three ingredients in pasta, and that they’re all things that I have in my house right now?

2 1/4 cups flour, 3 eggs, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. That’s all! It’s super-easy too. You just beat the eggs, and put them into a little flour nest in a large bowl, like so:

Then you mix it all together until it forms a ball of dough. Knead it about five minutes, and then put it in some greased plastic wrap (I just sprayed some cooking spray on it) and let it sit for at least 30 minutes, at which point you can get your sauce on the stove. After that, take about 1/4 of the dough and roll it out.

This part was actually pretty fun for me, because it was the first time I’d actually used a rolling pin (I know, I’m really pathetic).

Roll it out until it gets about as thin as you would want a noodle to be. Then, roll it up like you would a jelly roll and cut it into little wheels:

After that, just unfurl them, and put them aside. Do this for the three remaining quarters of your dough, then boil the pasta for about 5 minutes, until it’s firm but tender. The noodles start to float when they’re done; it doesn’t take long at all. After that, you’ve totally got pasta– without even having to have a pasta machine.

For a first try, I was really impressed with how it came out. Other than the 30 minutes the dough has to rest, it’s actually a pretty quick process. I made it kind of slow, just because I was nervous about it, but in general you can do this pretty quickly. It’s important to note that you don’t really have to roll the dough up– you can just roll it out and cut strips. I’ll probably do that next time, because the noodles ended up being a little thicker than I wanted them to be.

Going forward, I’d like to experiment with filled pasta, as well as different kinds of flour– maybe I’ll even use Debbie‘s favorite, spelt flour. But for the first time I wanted to keep it as straightforward as possible, and I’m quite pleased with the results.

A lot of people are under the impression that, as a vegetarian, my diet mainly consists of salads. While that wouldn’t be a bad idea, there are actually several salads that are off-limits, including the ubiquitous Caesar salad. Even if you don’t add the grilled chicken to it, Caesar salads are still generally no-nos to vegetarians, due to the anchovies (a food which I still do not understand, even a little bit).

Some of your “fancier” Caesar salads will have actual anchovies in them, staring up at you as you’re pretending to be healthy by eating a salad. However, even your low-rent Caesar salads generally contain anchovies in the dressing. So, what’s a vegetarian to do? Eat something else. After all, we’re pretty used to that. Sure. Or, we could make our own non-anchovyish Caesar salad dressing. A dressing so versatile that it can even be made, sigh, vegan.

When I was with my family for the holidays, my sister made an amazing vegetarian chicken Caesar salad. I wanted to eat it all the time, so I was not to be deterred by the fact that she lives halfway across the country from me. I set out to recreate the goodness at home. So here you go:

Vegetarian/Vegan Caesar Salad Dressing (serves 2-4)

1/4 cup olive oil

1 tablespoon of mayonnaise (I prefer the mayo made with olive oil, but you vegans out there can use vegan mayo).

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1-3 garlic cloves, minced (I use at least three, but I’m obsessed with garlic. This should really be to your taste)

1/2 lemon, juiced

Dash of soy sauce

salt and pepper to taste

Mix it all together, and BOOM: Best Caesar salad dressing ever. The best part is, you don’t have to mess with raw eggs or any of that nonsense, so it’s fast and less scary than just downing eggs.

As for the salad itself, follow your bliss. Romaine, croutons and parmesan are boring to me, so I decided to make a chicken Caesar salad. I added the parmesan (because it is delicious) and cooked up two of the Morningstar Farms Italian Herb Chik Patties, sliced those bad boys up and stuck them in. I also added cucumber because they’re delightful and we had some that needed to be used up. All in all, if I didn’t make Luke have some, I would have sat there and eaten the entire bowl of salad, which would have been pretty much the opposite of the healthy, “I think I’ll have a salad for dinner” choice.

It’s that time of year again, that time where you stress out about meals and menus, traveling and family. Maybe it’s because I’m a vegetarian and I don’t fall into the lovely Tryptophan-induced turkey coma that most of America does every year, but Thanksgiving has always seemed like a lot of work for very little payoff.

However, since we recently moved back near my family and Cooper is a year old now, this year seems like the perfect time to get into the holiday spirit. Since five of the seven people who will be attending our Thanksgiving dinner are vegetarians, it’s going to be a mostly veggie meal. People are always asking what we eat on Thanksgiving, because if you take out the turkey, folks somehow seem to forget that there are any other food products on the table. That’s why I’m sharing our menu with you, so if you’re having a vegetarian Thanksgiving, or just want to know how such an abomination can happen, this will help you out.

1. Tofurkey: Every year, there’s always some jackass who asks if we’re having a Tofurkey. I always say no, because about 10 years ago we actually tried one, and it tasted like crap. However, this year we will actually be serving one, with the idea that the Tofurkey technology has improved over the past decade. So, you know, cross your fingers.
2. Butternut Squash Risotto: I already told you guys about it. I can only hope that it turns out as amazingly well as the first batch did. Seriously. To. Die. For.
3. Corn Casserole: My mom is bringing this over. It’s the fattiest, most ridiculous use of a vegetable ever. Also, so good!
4. Green Bean Casserole: Straight outta the Campbell’s kitchen. It’s a classic, and my dad is bringing this over along with the aforementioned Tofurkey.
5. Garlic mashed potatoes: Okay, that’s not a link to a recipe, but that dude made the best Thanksgiving garlic mashed potatoes I’ve ever had. Luke’s in charge of them this year, and I have the utmost faith that he’ll be able to properly replicate them.
6. Mustard-glazed carrots: Generally I like my baby carrots plain, or with a little bit of butter, but Luke made these a while ago, and they are delish. Pro tip: use brown sugar instead of regular.
7. Asparagus Hollandaise: My dad is making this well. He is apparently cooking his face off this Thanksgiving. This is not something that normally happens, so it should be interesting.
8. Pumpkin Cheesecake: My friend Lauren recently made this and wrote about it on her website, along with some biscuits that look delicious and that I may sneak in here. I wanted to make a fancy dessert, and a pumpkin cheesecake seems like a great use of my last bag of pumpkin.

With Thanksgiving dinner still a good 24 hours away, this menu will probably be adjusted and added to. There will be salads, and perhaps appetizers, and probably a pie thrown in there somewhere. Hey, who knows. Maybe this group of vegetarians may even find a vegetable on the table that’s not completely covered in some sort of fatty sauce. Regardless of what we add, I will tell you one thing you won’t be seeing anywhere near my table:

THERE WILL BE NO EFFING SWEET POTATOES.

In this column, I’ve tried to break certain stereotypes about vegetarians: that we all support PETA, or that vegetarians and vegans are the same thing. Now I’m going to drop another knowledge bomb on you: vegetarians can be just as unhealthy as the rest of you. For example, last night, I took a wonderful vegetarian protein source, tempeh, which is also full of iron and calcium, and made a recipe that involved flour, breadcrumbs, sugar, and butter. Oh, copious amounts of wonderful, artery-clogging butter.

Yes, out of all of the recipes for broiled tempeh, or stir-fried tempeh, I managed to find a recipe for tempeh buffalo wings– and man, were they delightful.

These wings, or “tempeh wingz” as the recipe is actually titled, were obviously originally made by hippies, so I had to modify the recipe slightly. For instance, I do not own rice milk, so I used regular milk. I also don’t have panko, which are Japanese breadcrumbs, so I used regular breadcrumbs. The sauce also calls for agave nectar, but since I’m not Deb, I don’t have that in my kitchen. I ended up using sugar instead, which is a huge mistake that I’ll get to in a moment.

The process of making this is kind of interesting. First, you dip the cut tempeh into the milk, then you dip it in your flour and spices, followed by another milk bath, before it’s covered in breadcrumbs. You bake for 10 minutes on each side, and there you go. The sauce, the recipe for which is also at this link, is a little off for me. For one, it only calls for 2 1/2 T of hot sauce (btw, you have to use Frank’s. That’s not even up for discussion), and you really need way more than that. There is no way you should have 4 T of butter and 4T of ketchup and only use 2 1/2 T of hot sauce. That’s just crazy talk.

The big thing with the sauce though, is the agave nectar/sugar. YOU DON’T NEED IT. Again, I’d like to draw your attention to the 4 T of ketchup. That’s a lot of sugar right there. You don’t need any additional sweetener– it becomes a little sickly. When I made this, I had to add a crapload more hot sauce and a bunch of salt and pepper to try to counter-balance the sugar.

After some major doctoring though, these turned out deliciously. Even Luke, who was intrigued by the familiar buffalo wing smell, but weirded out by the whole tempeh thing, was intrigued. In fact, he ended up snagging several of them, saying that “they seem so wrong, but I still want some.” Now if that’s not an endorsement, I don’t know what is.

Ugh. Thanksgiving. I’ve never been much of a fan of this holiday. After all, when you’re not eating turkey, what’s the point? I know, I know, being thankful, family, blah, blah, blah. The thing is, I can do that without fighting traffic and spending all day in the kitchen. Fact: one of my favorite Thanksgivings was when my friend Elizabeth and I stayed in New York instead of going home and had grilled cheese at a diner and watched Harry Potter on IMAX. That’s how it should be done.

However, this year I am doing more of a traditional Thanksgiving, so I’m trying to figure out things to cook. Luckily, Elizabeth sent me this AMAZING recipe for butternut squash risotto. I made it last week, and it was a huge hit. The recipe yields something like 10 servings, and it was gone in like a day and a half. Of course, the whole “10 servings” thing is really if you’re using it as a side dish, but it’s rich and filling enough that it can easily be a main dish befitting a certain November holiday.

As far as risottos go, it’s actually not that hard to make. The difficulty for me came in the beginning when I had to coordinate cooking the risotto, heating up the vegetable stock and sauteing the sage. That’s kind of a lot for me to do at the same time. Once I got past that, however, I was golden.

Oh, speaking of which. The reason it was kind of difficult was because I had to make the stock out of bouillon cubes, so there was an extra step involved. Pro tip: use Knorr vegetable bouillon cubes instead of vegetable stock. It gives you a much richer (and according to Luke) beefier taste. It really enhances the flavors and helps make sure that the butternut squash isn’t too sweet.

The only other tricky part comes whenever you make risotto, which is to make sure you stir! Once you start adding the stock to the rice, you’re not going anywhere. The directions say that it takes between 15-30 minutes for all of the stock to absorb into the rice, but it took me at least 45. I was having a real My Cousin Vinny experience, wondering if it takes longer for water to soak into a piece of arborio rice in my kitchen than it does anywhere else on the face of the earth. Luckily though, everything worked out in the end.

Other than the timing, this recipe isn’t nearly as difficult to make as it may seem. Hell, if I can make it perfectly on my first try, I’m sure you can. The other cool thing about this, is that it’s relatively healthy and definitely inexpensive. One serving contains 371 calories, 10 g fat, 1.4 g fiber, and more importantly, only costs about $1.77. You can find a full nutritional and cost breakdown on the Cheap Healthy Good website.

Okay, I feel as though I’ve been pretty honest when it comes to my lack of food knowledge. In fact, the main reason I started writing for this site was so I would have a reason to get into the kitchen more. So here’s my confession for the week: other than from a store or a can, I didn’t really know where pumpkin pie came from.

I know that sounds insane, and of course I knew that pumpkin pie, or pumpkin bread, or any pumpkin dish came from pumpkins, but I didn’t really understand the logistics of the situation. I’m not kidding when I say that I honestly believed that the guts of the pumpkin is what got cooked. Sigh. I know.

So my friend Elizabeth came over and explained very slowly and clearly that it’s the pumpkin itself that gets roasted, while the guts just get thrown away. My mind = blown.

My job was to get the pumpkin. I didn’t want to use our happy pumpkin patch pumpkin that we had just picked over the weekend, so I decided to go across the street to the grocery store and buy one there. Now, I love a deal, but this is what got us into trouble. the grocery store pumpkins weren’t being sold by the pound: they were just $5.99 each. So what does that mean? It means that I had to find the biggest, heaviest pumpkin I could, just to get my money’s worth. Because I’m ridiculous.

What I ended up with was pretty much the carriage used in Cinderella. Like, I could hollow this thing out and use it as a dog bed. It was ginormous. It put my 19-lb. cute pumpkin to shame. In fact, we estimated that it was probably around 30 lbs. so yes, I was proud of myself for getting my money’s worth, but dear lord, we did not need that much pumpkin.

So we set to work slicing it apart, and throwing away the guts while reserving the seeds. After we got it into relatively manageable-sized pieces, we stuck it in the oven and baked it uncovered at 375. Because of the insane volume of pumpkin, we weren’t really sure how long to keep it in there, but we knew it was done when it was slightly browned, and a fork went all the way through.

After it was finished roasting, it was time to make the puree. We peeled off the skin and diced the pumpkin into pieces that would be small enough to fit in a food processor. After it was processed, the puree needed to be drained. Cheesecloth would probably be the recommended way of doing this, but I’m not exactly working in the Top Chef kitchen over here, so we used paper towels and a strainer.

At the end of the day (literally, this endeavor took the entire day), we ended up with an obscene amount of pumpkin puree– Something like 7 quarts or more. So what to do with all of that pumpkin? Well, frankly, I’m still trying to figure it out. But we started out with making some pumpkin treats. Luckily for us, Elizabeth has a website with our friend Lauren, and Lauren had just posted a bunch of yummy pumpkin recipes, including one for pumpkin chocolate chip bread that she made for me last year and caused me to see God.

So we made that and the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that were also on that page, and divvied up the rest of the puree into freezer bags, so we can make more delightful fall treats. I’ve still got about five freezer bags left, so stay tuned for more pumpkin adventures!

I’m not going to sit here and disparage all veggie lasagna; I have had a few in my life that have been nice, but I have never really had a good experience with generic banquet hall veggie lasagna, AKA, the ONLY VEGETARIAN OPTION ON EARTH. Now, it used to be that if you went to a work-related banquet, or a wedding, there weren’t any vegetarian options at all, so the fact that the rubbery, bland veggie lasagna is even an option is sadly, a step up.

Lately though, I have had some really good veggie dishes at weddings and other events. None of them, however, were quite as amazing as the reception I went to last weekend, for my friends Laura and Dave. They had a very unique wedding that lasted over two days. Friday night was a small ceremony followed by a catered dinner for the guests. Laura is a vegetarian, so the veggie option was ohmygodamazing. Saturday though, was a large, casual potluck reception, and it was vegetarian heaven.

Dave and Laura totally put me to work at the potluck, and I was in charge of food. So for a few months before the reception, guests emailed me what they were bringing– and nearly all of it was vegetarian. It was amazing. Dave and Laura were going to grill, so they provided hamburgers, hot dogs, and veggie burgers. Everyone else was in charge of appetizers and side dishes. Here’s a small sampling of what was brought:

• veggie trays
• hummus
• assortment of cheese and bread
• tossed salad with almonds, cheese and blueberries(!)
• at least three varieties of potato salad, including dill potato salad
• At least three varieties of pasta salad, including an angel hair capellini
• lentil soup
• vegetarian baked beans
• corn salad
• quinoa salad with black beans
• Waldorf salad
• sweet potato casserole (which, gross, but still!)

That’s before we even get to the desserts, and the heroes who just said, “Screw it,” and brought more wine. Point is, I pretty much had to be rolled out of the reception hall by the time all was said and done. Seriously, this whole thing was as if someone whispered in my ear and said, “Hey baby girl, what could we make to make you totally fat and happy? Just name it and we’ll do it.”

There was such a huge amount of food, that everyone there was satisfied, vegetarians and meat-eaters alike. Quite frankly, there aren’t too many large events (there were around 150 people in attendance) that can boast that. So when you’re planning your next wedding, family reunion, or divorce party, just remember that it pays to think outside of the box, and beyond rubbery, tasteless lasagna.

Being a lacto-ovo vegetarian is the bomb. Why? I’ve got two words for you: “cheese” and “eggs.” A life without one or both is simply not a life worth living. My baby seems to agree with me, as scrambled eggs have recently become his favorite food that isn’t blueberries (kid has a blueberry obsession right now. It’s equal parts weird and hilarious). I went to breakfast this morning with family, and ordered Cooper a regular dude-sized breakfast: 2 eggs, potatoes and wheat toast.

My uncle, who has never seen Cooper eat before, thought I was crazy. “Why would you order two eggs? That’s a lot.” Sure, maybe for a normal baby, but not mine. Granted, some of the eggs ended up on the floor, but the majority of them made it straight from mouth to tummy, and I can only hope that a little chewing happened in there somewhere as well.

While I normally scramble eggs when I’m making breakfast at home, just to save time, occasionally I’ll get slightly fancier. So this week is dedicated to my favorite ways to make eggs.

I’ve already done a post on my heart-attack potatoes, but they’re pretty awesome. After all, what could be better than an egg in a twiced-baked potato?

I’m also obsessed with frittatas. I prefer the baked ones however, because my pans suck and I’m pretty sure the one I tried on the stove may have given me cancer. Debbie did a great roundup of frittata recipes a little while back. I’m especially fond of the Zucchini Oven Frittata, because Zucchini is awesome. I leave out the peppers and onions though.

Omelets are also pretty classic, Cooper’s favorite right now is muenster cheese, avocado and tomato. I’ve also had Greek omelets two days in a row– with feta, spinach and tomato.

During college, I had a brief and ill-advised experiment with the South Beach Diet. It was stupid, I didn’t lose any weight, and was starving all of the time, mainly because that diet is not made for vegetarians. Pro tip: You should really only cut out one food group at a time. Not eating meat really worked against me when they want you to cut out a bunch of other crap from your diet as well.

Anyway, the one benefit that came out of this was Fake French Toast. So regular french toast is bread dipped in egg and cinnamon, right? So this recipe basically just cuts out the bread and adds more eggs. It sounds completely stupid, but you guys, I swear to God, this is some good stuff. Even if you’re not on a diet, it’s a fun new way to make eggs, and it takes no time or effort at all. This recipe calls for it to be cooked on a stove, but the original one I found allowed you to just do it in the microwave.

I go through food phases, and now I’m in a more heavy egg phase than usual, but they are 100% making me happy right now. Luckily my cholesterol is amazing, or else I would be in trouble. Let’s just hope it stays that way.

Pasta. Talk about universal and unifying. Everyone likes pasta, and if they don’t, then you can quickly weed them out from the group of people with whom you should associate, because they are clearly insane. When I moved in with a meat eater, we would make pasta most nights, because it was an easy dish that we could both eat. Sure, maybe we gained a little weight during those first few months, but it helped with dinner before we got adventurous and branched out to other dishes.

While there are many variations that we would do, most of our dishes would center around red sauce. This is mainly because Alfredo sauce generally grosses me out, and pesto sauce is often a little too overpowering for me. Recently though, I’ve branched out and started doing the unthinkable: making pasta without sauce. One of the dishes I’ve been making for years, but the other two are quite recent additions to my repertoire. Because I’m awesome, I’ll share them with you now.

Penne with Feta and Corn

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.

This is the one that I’ve been doing for a while– ever since I had a similar dish at a restaurant. What I love about it is that these are usually ingredients I already have laying around the house (well, not “around the house.” Generally in the kitchen). We buy the super-sized jar of capers at Costco, so I often find excuses to use them.

• 1 1/2 cups of frozen corn
• 1 4 oz. container of crumbled feta cheese
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 2 tbs. olive oil
• 1 tbs. capers
• 1 box of penne pasta
• salt & pepper to taste

While you’re boiling the water and cooking your pasta, saute the corn in the olive oil and garlic and capers (I usually grind some pepper in here too) in a large pan until the corn starts to caramelize. Add the pasta and feta cheese and toss together. The feta cheese will get all melty and delightful.

Variations:

Sometimes, if I’m feeling extra-fancy, I’ll saute some sun-dried tomatoes and/or artichoke hearts as well.

Spinach Tomato Pasta

Light, healthy pasta with just a few ingredients. I love spinach, but I’m not a big fan of it when it’s a) by itself, or b) overcooked and stringy. This spinach gets cooked just enough to soften it up, but since there isn’t a sauce, there’s not enough moisture to make it all goopy.

• 1 box penne or other pasta (gnocchi is good for this as well)
• 8 oz. fresh baby spinach
• 1 pint grape tomatoes
• 1-2 garlic cloves (to taste)
• 2 tbs. olive oil
• salt & pepper to taste

whop up the garlic and saute it in the olive oil on med-low heat. Slice the grape tomatoes in  half and put them in the pan. Saute for about 3 minutes, then add the spinach. Add salt and pepper to taste. Saute until the tomatoes and spinach start to get soft. Toss in the pasta.

Cheese Tortellini with Olive Tapenade

This is something I just experimented with over the weekend. I found a really great recipe for olive tapenade, but I didn’t have any bread or crackers. I also didn’t have any pasta sauce or tomatoes, for that matter, so I decided to make up some cheese tortellini anyway and use the tapenade as a sauce. Tapenade is quite salty, so the cheese is key, since it cuts that a little bit.

• 1 package cheese tortellini or other cheese-filled pasta
• 1 cup green olives
• 1 1/2 tbs. capers
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 tbs. fresh cilantro

While you’re cooking the tortellini, combine all other ingredients into a food processor and process until chunky. Toss in some pasta. Remember, a little goes a long way.

A few weekends ago, I escaped to the mountains with two of my friends and two babies. Since we were in a condo in the woods, we weren’t planning on eating out: that meant that we had to go shopping and plan our meals. While Cooper and I don’t eat meat, Elizabeth, Lauren, and Lauren’s son Ethan, certainly do. However, during the trip, we made two breakfasts, a lunch and two dinners without any meat at all.

How did we perform such an impressive feat? Well, it was pretty easy, actually. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was unintentional. We planned out the menu, and it just kind of turned out to be vegetarian. But after thinking about it, I realized that this could be beneficial to some people. When it comes to meat eaters cooking for or with vegetarians, they often get freaked out and feel like they couldn’t possibly cook without meat, or alternately, they feel like they have to buy a bunch of crazy meat-replacement foods. However, it’s really a lot easier than you may think.

In fact, since we weren’t specifically shopping for vegetarian meals, our bigger challenge was finding stuff that both a 10-month-old and a two and a half-year-old would eat. Plus, we didn’t want to bring a lot of equipment or spend a bunch of money on groceries, so the main objective was to keep it simple. And simple it was. There were already pots and pans at the condo, and all we had to bring with us was a mini food processor.

Friday night:

The drive up the mountain was a long one, and it was nearly the kids’ bedtimes by the time we even got there. So what does that mean? Simple, quick, easy frozen pizzas from Target. We got an Archer Farms goat cheese and tomato pizza, and a plain cheese.

Saturday morning:

We made sure to get a dozen eggs and a loaf of bread, so we had that. Lauren also made chocolate chip banana bread and I brought some chocolate muffins. I also brought yogurt and blueberries for Cooper. He’s recently developed a blueberry obsession.

Saturday afternoon:

Again, keeping it simple, we had grilled muenster cheese sandwiches. Lauren also made some homemade salsa, which we had with Archer Farm blue corn chips from Target. You guys, they’re ridiculously good and only cost like, $2.60.

Saturday evening:

Elizabeth and I made the Quinoa-stuffed Zucchini, which was a crowd-favorite, as always. Lauren also made some white bean veggie burgers, which she topped with the homemade salsa. They were filled with onions and peppers, so I stayed away, but everyone else seemed to enjoy them.

Sunday morning:

Basically a repeat of Saturday morning. Except that my not-quite-19 lb. baby finished the pint of blueberries he started eating the day before (in addition to an egg, a container of yogurt and a giant piece of oatmeal bread).

Five meals, all completely accidentally vegetarian. We didn’t make anything too involved or fancy. The most time we spent in the kitchen was Saturday night, and I would say that everything took under an hour. So see, carnivores? It can be done. You can coexist with vegetarians without it being a huge, hairy deal. So invite us over! There’s nothing to be afraid of (unless my child somehow mistakes you for a blueberry. Because then you will die).

While there are many downsides to growing up as a vegetarian — the inane questions, the feelings of exclusion — there are definitely some up-sides. My colon probably isn’t going to fall out of my body, for instance. Also, I never really had to deal with school lunch. Sure, I would partake in “cheese pizza day” now and then, but for the most part, I bypassed the horror — the gray hamburgers, mystery meat, and the like.

From what I remember, I generally brought my lunch: sandwich, fruit, drink, and generally some sort of Little Debbie snack — usually a Swiss Roll. Perhaps it wasn’t the most nutritional thing in the world, but come on. You know who’s eating the most nutritional thing in the cafeteria? The weirdo, that’s who. The moderately unhealthy bagged lunch is better than the crap they serve to the kids, but allows you to fit in just enough, to not be pointed at and whispered about. It’s a beautiful thing.

In high school, I was proud of the fact that I never went through the lunch line. In four years, I never saw the giant vats of God-knows-what, or the shiny silver warming trays. Generally, I’d either bring my lunch, or if it was senior year, occasionally my friend and I would skip and go to the nearby Subway.

However, if I couldn’t get my act together in the morning to pack something, or we didn’t want to risk d-hall (what my school called detention), I would buy lunch from the cafeteria. Now, I know I said I never went through the lunch line. I didn’t — my school also offered a salad bar. To some people now, that may not seem weird, or special in any way. High school today probably has sushi bars, for Christ’s sake. But ten years ago, it was absolutely monumental.

My school actually offered a (uh, relatively) fresh and healthy alternative to school lunch! My friends and I were ecstatic, to the point that when they tried to take it away (probably because of cost and the fact that it also included pudding, which some people would just load onto all of their dishes and call it a day), we lobbied to have it reinstated.

While it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in the cafeteria (junior year, my friend was messing around with a cut-up soda can, and I sliced my finger open trying to get it away from him so he wouldn’t hurt himself, a move that required half a dozen stitches and a giant gauze bandage on my middle finger), it was nice to participate in a quintessential American tradition. As a child who was always jealous of the other kids who got to have happy meals and keep the super-sweet toys, it was nice to feel like I belonged — and the fact that there was no mystery meat involved was just totally a bonus.

When somebody new finds out that I’m a vegetarian, they invariably say something like, “but what about fried chicken?” or “but what about cheeseburgers?” They are absolutely flabbergasted by the fact that I live without these things that they hold so dear. Yet, somehow I soldier through, and since I’ve never had any of those things, I don’t miss them at all.

Truthfully, at this point, I have no desire to eat meat. It all just seems kind of gross to me. However, I do make distinctions between different meals. For instance, I loathe the smell of fried chicken, and you wouldn’t catch me eating it in a million years. I also can’t stand the smell of ground beef on the stove, plus reading Fast Food Nation has freaked me out way too much, so I would definitely stick to my veggie chili. However, there are some things that people eat that I look at and think, “yeah, I could do that.”

Just to be clear, this isn’t what I would eat if I were to actually start eating meat: I would choose simple things that my system could get used to, so I don’t vomit my face off and break out in a rash. This is just what I would have if I magically started eating meat.

If I were going to do it, I would do it right: I’d definitely try steak. Quite frankly, I’d like to know what all the fuss is about. Personally, I suspect that steak is fine, but it’s much ado about nothing. I doubt having one would change my life. However, if I were to do it, it would have to be cooked medium well. Even watching someone order a steak with blood on the plate is just disgusting to me.

While fried chicken makes me want to die, grilled chicken always looked good. Ooh, or hot wings! I love Frank’s hot sauce, and have made vegetarian hot wings before, which were pretty good. I think I would definitely enjoy going to a bar and getting the real thing.

Fish is less daring than, say, a steak, but Luke and I spent our first anniversary in Maine, and even he, who had never seen the appeal of lobster, had some there and said that it was absolutely amazing. I would definitely check that out, along with crab, shrimps and scallops. Seafood pasta has always looked pretty good, so maybe I’d do something like that. Only fresh stuff though; fried shrimp never looked appealing to me.

Above all, though, I think I would have to have some turkey. Not really because I have a particular desire to eat turkey, but it would be nice to actually sit down at a Thanksgiving dinner and be able to eat the main dish instead of being relegated to the sides.

Even writing about this though, doesn’t really make me want to eat it or change anything about the way I live. Steak is bloody, and eating hot wings or anything off the bone just seems a little barbaric and creepy to me. Plus, everyone knows that sides and pumpkin pie are the best part of Thanksgiving anyway. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on much, so you can have your fried chicken and ground beef. No, seriously. Take it. That stuff is hideous!

Last week, before my baby decided to snack on dog food, I was having a difficult time coming up with inspiration for my Hold the Meat column. So I took it to our esteemed writers and asked for ideas. Our resident redneck, Jeff, played to my love of zombies and offered this up:

The Zombie Apocalypse is in full swing. You are stuck at home waiting for them to leave, and I drop by your place for dinner unannounced. What will you make to feed a very hungry meat eater? Remember I need to keep my strength up so I can go on my way and fight zombies as I go.

If I were a good hostess, I would just suck it up and give the poor guy a steak. However, I’m a jerk. So what I would do instead would be to choose a vegetarian dish that is so good, even an avowed meat eater like himself would feel fully sated and able to face the zombies head-on.

My first instinct in a situation like this would be to serve chili. Now, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to serve Glark’s famous chili, because even I know that chili that involves corn and baby carrots isn’t quite going to cut it. My second impulse would be to do tacos, but I feel like there are too many accouterments to truly be appropriate for the situation. If you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, you don’t have time to be messing with lettuce, and onions, and half a different kinds of hot sauce. So that is when I figured out the perfect dish: Vegetarian Beef Stroganoff.

Luke introduced me to this, and it’s really not anything fancy. You just take your favorite beef stroganoff recipe (I believe we use the Betty Crocker one at home) and instead of using a pound of ground beef or steak, use the Morningstar Farms Steak Strips. If you can’t find those, then use the crumbles, but in the event of an apocalypse, zombie or otherwise, you should go with the good stuff.

Veggie beef stroganoff is filling and will give you the energy you need to keep those bastards from feasting on your brains. Plus, the meat-eaters I know who have tried it have all loved it. so while Jeff may be offended at the idea of vegetarian stroganoff on principle, in action, I think he’d actually enjoy it. Plus, having less meat in your system may make you less attractive to zombies. Maybe.