Breakfast. Growing up, this was my favorite meal of the day. Grandma making thin pancakes with jam, honey or syrup. Savory crepes with sour cream and lox. Cereal with berries. Omelets or over easy eggs.   That first meal in the morning really set the tone for how I felt throughout the rest of the day. At some point between high school and now, all of that went away. Mornings became hurried and hectic; and there was no time to do anything more then make a quick cup of tea and run out of the door to start the work day.

In my first piece in this column I quickly got into some of the things I’d learned — so far — from tending honeybees at home. Now let’s talk about the chickens.

Have you ever had free-range chicken eggs? I mean REALLY free-range, not the stuff labeled that way from a grocery store, where the “free-range” term merely means the chickens aren’t kept in a cage, yet are still fed mass-produced feed. I’m talking chickens likely from your local farm that are let loose upon the grass, allowed to eat it and are fed healthy feed to supplement what they eat from the yard. Even before you eat one of these eggs, with just the sight of the orange — not yellow — yolk, you know it’s gonna be good. And oh man is it. It’s just in a different league than what you get out of cartons at the grocers.

We’d been buying eggs from our CSA farm for years now, but she can’t always meet the demand. We want more! We hold the CSA eggs so precious that we only use them for non-baking needs; baking’s for the grocery eggs. So how to get more? “Get your own chickens. They’re easy,” said our CSA farmer. Seriously? Those fluttery things that you can never catch are easy? Well, onto the research!

When I started at my current full-time job last year, I learned from my boss that he at one point had taken up beekeeping several years ago. Since I was still in the investigation phase and definitely interested in beekeeping, there were few days between those when I’d be asking about his experiences and for tips. One interesting tidbit I’d picked up: he also kept chickens at one point. I’ve met a few people who have both bees and chickens in their backyards since then; as it turns out, it appears beekeeping and chicken-keeping go hand-in-hand. For some, the next step is goat-keeping … but let’s not go there just yet.

Once I’d installed my bees earlier this month, I had a sudden stroke of confidence and decided, screw it, I’m going right to chickens. Now. I started to check Craigslist for cheap chicken coops and putting together plans and cost for building my own. Before I knew it, I found someone relatively close by who was selling an already-made chicken cook and attached run, and four one-year-old, laying chickens! And I got ‘em!

So, in less than a month’s time, we’ve gone from a farm of two small vegetable gardens to one including bees and chickens. And you know what? So far it’s been mostly easy and mostly great. Just as I did last time with the beekeeping side of things, I’ll give you a few initial thoughts and tips from what I’ve learned in the little time I’ve had with our four hens:

Say goodbye to your lawn. For us, we have an attached run to the henhouse. It’s big enough for four hens to have plenty of room, but I wouldn’t add more. However, that entire area they run in will be wiped out of almost all grass after a day in place. The chickens are eating it and scratching at it all day. I try to make a point to move the henhouse truck (the entire house and run is movable) every day, to give the hens fresh grass to eat; you can see an almost-perfect rectangular patch of grassless earth where the truck was last.

Some people are able to allow their hens the run of the yard, but we’ve got a severe hawk problem around our house, and they were well onto us the day we got our hens; I don’t think they’d last a couple of hours outside the fenced run. The plus side of allowing them to eat the grass, though, is fewer ticks and other insects, as well as yummy grass-fed chicken eggs.

Watering is necessary and problematic; get a chicken nipple. See that red-and-white watering trough in the picture above? Toss that right out — worthless. The chickens get that full of dirt and shit quicker than they can take a second sip out of the thing. Then you’re left cleaning the damn thing out several times a day. That metal bowl was worse. Our solution was to get a “chicken nipple” that basically works like a hamster cage bottle for chickens. I was amazed that, just as advertised, the chickens learned to drink from it within maybe an hour of it being installed. No more mess, and you can throw a huge bucket of water up and away from the chicken mess, making sure they won’t be without water for days.

Egg laying is inconsistent. Sometimes we would see four eggs a day, sometimes only one. All sorts of things affect the hens’ laying, from a change in food to a change in location or other kinds of stress. Sometimes we’ll have more eggs than we can eat sitting in the fridge, while other times we’re hoping for more. So far, though, it’s been a perfect pace.

Chickens are dumb. It was raining out, so I put their food in the henhouse; they couldn’t find it. They wonder why they are getting wet when it rains and try to dodge the drops. They think golfballs in their nesting box are eggs. Don’t expect them to figure out even the easiest thing you expect them to understand, which is why it still amazes me they learned how to drink from that nipple. They also get pretty antsy and loud if they’re not let out of their house early enough in the morning, so either look into some sort of automatic door or risk leaving their coop open all night, otherwise plan for an early morning.

All in all, it’s been worthwhile having these dirty, loud, dumb creatures. They may not be cuddly, but they’re making our cats come in with fewer ticks, making us great fertilizer for our gardens, giving us awesome eggs and making it unnecessary to mow my backyard. And you know what? It really is easy! I’ll update along the way and let you know if our opinion still stands.

Are you a backyard hen-raiser? Got other early tips you can provide? Let’s hear ‘em!

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Perhaps we’ve gone a bit over the deep end here, or maybe it’s in preparation for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Over at the McDuffee household, within about two months time, we’ve gone from being a household of five males (myself, Owen, two cats and a hamster) and one female (Deb) to a household of a few hundred males and about 10,000 females. The new additions come in the form of four hens and a newly-established hive of bees.

Let’s start things out with the bees, and I can talk about the chickens in another post. What I’d like to do is make this column a sort of how-to for my experiences with beekeeping, chicken keeping and more, as well as some tips here and there for what I’ve discovered along the way. You do not need to have acres of land and live in the middle of the woods or pastures to do these things!

For a few years now I’ve been interested in the possibility of beekeeping. I didn’t know anyone who did it, and I thought getting my own honey would be pretty cool, along with having my own bees helping pollenate my gardens. Win win! So, last month, I finally took the plunge and started taking beekeeping classes held by the Worcester County Beekeepers Association. I thought maybe I’d be in a class of ten people or so; it turns out I was in an auditorium of over 250 people! Crazy.

Two classes into the course (which cost a measly $30 for seven weeks of 2.5-hour classes), I knew I was going to do this. On April 1, I had my first package of bees and installed them in the hive box myself. A few weeks later and I’ve got brood larvae present and will probably have newborn bees in my hive this week. Seems like only yesterday I saw them each as a teeny rice-grain of an egg. Out of the whole experience so far, only one sting, but it was totally my own stupid fault.

Alright, that was my experience up to this point, put succinctly. There’s a bit more to it than that, but, honestly, not very much …yet. As it turns out, if you want to start out beekeeping, and you’ve got the drive to succeed at it, it’s easy to get started. Here are some of my main tips I can share with you for starting out:

Take a class. The beekeeping class I took was invaluable. There are things I’ve learned in this class that I have yet to see mentioned even with simple web searches. There’s a chance you may learn quite a bit from an experienced beekeeper, should you know one who has the time to mentor you through your endeavor, but even the most seasoned pro is likely to miss something. In the class I’ve been taking, there are multiple teachers throughout the course, each having a varying level of expertise and varying approaches and opinions to traditional and not-so-traditional ways of doing things. In only two weeks I was convinced I was going to learn most of what I needed to know to get started, and so far I’d say I was right … to get started, at least.

Do not be afraid. You have to go into the whole affair without a fear of being stung. It’s not that you should simply accept you’ll be stung; in fact, it’s unlikely you will be, in most cases, when you’re doing things right. Believe it or not, bees can sense fear and may very well react to the expulsion of more CO₂ and adrenaline from your freaking out, so you have to be cool. When I installed my package bees, I admit there was some uneasiness on my end, but it was more for me being afraid I’d screw up than of being stung. Overall, if the bees aren’t irritated from something — illness, recent animal intrusion, overheating — they’ll pretty much pay no attention to you. I’ll stand right in front of the hive for quite some time, the bees passing back and forth and paying me no attention. Remember, these aren’t those asshole wasps or hornets; they’re fuzzy, cute honeybees, making honey … honey you’ll steal from them later. Well, some of it.

You need a veil — the rest is optional. During the course we watched a video of folks in Georgia who basically funnel bees into boxes (packages) for people like me to install. The guy in the video was a well-seasoned pro, and the only bit of protection he had on besides regular clothing was a hat and veil. Hell, he even had a short-sleeved t-shirt on! No gloves. Like a boss. No stings that I could see. Know why? He wasn’t afraid. I’m not balsy enough to go without gloves, and I wear a long-sleeved sweatshirt and jeans when opening my hive. The veil is simply not optional. When you’re lifting frames and messing around with moving hive pieces around, the last thing you want to deal with when your hands are full is a bee stinging your face, or crawling up your nose, ears or mouth; you’ll drop what you’re doing in a hurry when that happens, and things only get worse from there.

Those are the main tips I can share for getting started out beekeeping. There’s more I will share as we go along, but, this being the first post in the series, I’ll start off small.

Are you a beekeeper yourself or are you looking to get started out? Let’s hear from you! Ask questions, too, and hopefully we can share things in this column as we go along.

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I’ve been told many times over the years that my approach to cooking is weird. Namely, I view recipes the way the Pirate’s Code is viewed in Pirates of the Caribbean — I think of it more as a set of guidelines. When I’m in the mood to make something new, my method is to look up as many different variations on that recipe I can find, pick and choose the ones I like, and make the rest up. Consequently, I don’t actually have solid recipes so much as basic concepts I re-use and tweak based on what’s in my refrigerator and what I feel like eating that day. I have tried submitting these as recipes with notes like “improvise here!” and “change this for this new form of the same thing!”, but I have been roundly told that that is not how recipes work. Which, as far as I’m concerned, sucks.

One of my favorite bases is something I found online that was called “bread pudding muffins.” The idea was that you took a cupcake liner, filled it with stale bread and half an egg, and baked it. And that’s a cool enough idea, but it’s super boring and clearly demands improvisation. But after two years of using this idea as a base, it has become my favorite thing ever. I eagerly await us having enough stale bread to make this. I’ve tried every variation under the sun. Sometimes I make it in cupcake tins. Sometimes I make it in a pan as a bake. I’ll add veggies, fruits, beans, spices, bacon, or pretty much whatever I can find hiding in my refrigerator. You can do anything with this. The sky is your limit. These two years of bread pudding experimentation have been delicious ones, and I have desperately wanted to write about this, only to realize that “get bread, eggs, and improvise!” did not pass muster as a recipe. And so I held off until I found one variation on it I loved enough to post.

I am proud to announce that I have found that variation.

Julia’s French Toast Pudding

Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it.
(Serves 4-6)

Ingredients:

• ½ loaf of bread, cut in bite-sized cubes
• 7 eggs
• 1 heaping cup of strawberries, diced
• ½ cup raisins
• ¼ cup maple syrup
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

1. Pre-heat oven to 325F.
2. Mix the bread, strawberries, and raisins together in a large bowl.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, cinnamon, and maple syrup. Hint: use actual maple syrup. I was, as a born and raised New Englander, distressed to learn that when most people say “maple syrup,” they mean “corn syrup that is flavored in a maple-like fashion.” Don’t subject yourself to such indignities. Go for the real stuff. Life is too short for fake maple syrup.
4. Pour the egg mixture over your dry ingredients, mix with a spoon until the egg has coated all the bread bits.
5. Grease a 12″x12″ pan. Do not go lightly on the grease (I’ve found that canola oil works best, but Crisco will do). Eggs are sticky. You’ll thank me later.
6. Pour your egg and bread mixture into the greased pan, spread evenly.
7. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the egg mixture is solid and no liquid runs if you tilt the pan.

Suggestions: While this is good at any time, and I did eat it for basically every meal of my day, it’s best for breakfast and it’s best fresh. The bulk of prep time comes from cutting the bread and strawberries, so do that the night before and throw the rest together in the morning.

I’ll be first to admit that juicing may not be for everyone. No, I’m not referring to the use of steroids, you fool. I’m talking about taking whole vegetables and fruits and throwing them in a machine that grinds them up, leaving you with the pulp at one end and just the juice at the other. Deb and I started juicing about seven or eight years ago, and we’d sort of just stopped or forgot about it for the past three. We decided to pick the habit back up again for several reasons. For one, that caffeine-free jolt of energy we used to get from juicing was gone, and we wanted that back again. More importantly, though, was that I noticed that when I was juicing years ago, I never got a cold. I mean never. Then, in the past few years, I just kept getting damned colds all fall and winter long, and I was sick of it. “Gee, I used to never get sick years ago. What happened?” I thought. “Oh yeah, I used to juice and now I don’t.” Time to break out the Juiceman again.

For years Deb and I have used what I thought to be one hell of a great juicer, the Juiceman. And it was great, for the many years we used it. Then, as we started once again to use it daily this year, it pretty much died on me. I threw one too many carrots in the thing, and the whole thing kicked like a wild bronco, threw the juice and pulp container everywhere — even to the ceiling — and smelled a bit like something inside was burning. Not good. It was obvious the little champ had outlived its lifespan and it was time to kick things up a notch.

After a little research — mostly based on reviews on Amazon.com product pages — I decided to give the highly-rated and reasonably-priced Breville juicer a go. Initially I was looking into the possibility of getting a masticating juicer rather than a centrifugal juicer like the Juiceman. This was because I really like to throw a lot of dark, leafy greens into the machine, and a masticating juicer reportedly works better with that sort of thing. Rather than using a fast-spinning grater to tear the leaves apart for juice, leaving perhaps too much waste in the end, a masticating machine takes out a whole lot more juice out of even barley grass that you put into it. The biggest drawback, though, is that you have to cut up your material so small that it’s quite a pain to use regularly. If you want to throw full carrots and apples into a machine in one go, you need a centrifugal machine.

The first thing I’ll say about the Breville is it’s a work of art. As soon as I took it out of its box, I could tell this baby was going to last us a lifetime. It feels solidly built and couldn’t be simpler to assemble. In fact, it has one fewer piece than the Juiceman, and there are really no areas at all where unseen juice might seep into or hide from even a vigorous dishwasher. The grating basket even has one additional feature my Juiceman didn’t have, with dual blades at the center to give your veggies a good initial dicing before letting the graters do their job.

After a thorough washing of all the parts, I couldn’t wait to give this thing a try. Turning it on for the first time was sweet music. The 700W motor kicked in and was practically singing a song of “FEED ME,” begging for me to toss in even the heaviest vegetables and fruits. Unlike the Juiceman, the feeding tube on the Breville is huge. Seriously, you can fit a whole apple into the tube without needing to cut it, and, of course, I did. The machine barely made a wimper as it annihilated the entire apple in about a second, and the provided juice container quickly showed the glorious results. The Breville would have laughed at me if it could, as I tossed in carrot after carrot that disappeared into orange fibers and liquid as quickly as if I’d have fed it to a famished horse. Whereas the entire juice would have taken me five minutes to complete with the Juiceman, the Breville completed the task on one.

The dream didn’t end there. Cleanup couldn’t be easier. As I said, there are very few if any crevices in the pieces of the machine, so you can practically rinse the pieces out without much scrubbing if any at all. The metal basket certainly needs cleaning, and there’s even a provided brush to make that task all the easier and safer for you. Everything is kept so separate from the main base unit that it’s kept squeaky clean after every use, nary a drop ever having touched it. Also, of course, all of the pieces — save the motor unit — are dishwasher safe.

Now, some who herald the benefits of a masticating juicer may have a point in that it makes far less waste than a centrifugal unit, though, admittedly, I have no experience with one to know for certain. However, if you’re one to composte your veggie and fruit discards all the time as we do, it’s pretty difficult to feel at all guilty about any sort of waste going on. That stuff is going to make composte that your gardens and plants will love, which gets you better plants that take less to take care of from commercial products. It’s all a win-win.

Alright, so not such a “quick” review, but I think you see now that I’m giving the Breville Juice Fountain high praise here and give it the CliqueClack seal of approval. Let us know if you want us to highlight more of the benefits we’ve seen from juicing here on CliqueClack Food, and we’ll make a point of it!

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIuhThWzlkk

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Like everybody else on the face of the earth, I’m ridiculously obsessed with Pinterest. Sure, I could do without the proliferation of twee inspirational quotes in interesting typefaces and living rooms that I’ll never be able to afford, but there is no better website out there right now for random dinner inspiration.

I saw this pin for baked spaghetti, and immediately knew that I wanted to try it. Cooper, like most three-year-olds, loves pasta, so I’m always looking for new recipes. This particular baked spaghetti recipe involves ground beef, which I don’t eat, and canned tomato sauce, which I don’t have. However, the best thing about pasta is that it’s infinitely customizable, so I took the basic idea and just went with it.

Baked Spaghetti

• 8 oz. Spaghetti
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 1 diced onion
• 1 tbs Italian seasoning
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 cups mozzarella
• salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350. Cook your spaghetti according to package directions. Meanwhile, quarter your onion and dice it along with the garlic in the food processor. Put diced onion in a large bowl. Put diced tomatoes and italian seasoning in food processor and process until you get most of the chunks out. Add the tomato and spice mixture to the diced onion. Add tomato sauce and mix everything together. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add cooked spaghetti to sauce and stir, making sure to coat spaghetti evenly.

Transfer mixture into a greased baking dish. Sprinkle mozzarella on top and bake for about 30 minutes, or until the cheese is hot and bubbly.

Kid Tip: Since you’re using a food processor, this is a great opportunity to get some extra veggies into your kid without them noticing. Throw some baby spinach, zucchini, and/or broccoli in the food processor along with the diced tomatoes for some extra nutrition.

Paula Deen told Today that she doesn’t plan on changing the way she does her show just because she has Type 2 diabetes, and I for one applaud that.

I don’t watch any of Deen’s shows to find out how I can lose weight and look like a Men’s Health cover model. I tune in to see how she cooks rich foods. I could stand to lose a few pounds and I take high blood pressure medication, but eating some of what Paula Deen cooks on her TV shows isn’t going to harm me unless I eat them all of the time.

Did Deen preach “moderation” like she’s been saying in recent interviews? I don’t know. I didn’t watch her show that closely and I’m not going to do a Lexis-Nexus search for the keywords “Paula Deen” and “moderation.” But I am sure she didn’t say “eat this stuff for every single day of your life.” I think that television creates this illusion of steadiness and consistency that really doesn’t exist. Meaning, because Deen is on our televisions every single day that means that she eats this stuff every single day and she’s hoping we do too. But if she had a monthly show or quarterly specials we probably wouldn’t say that she’s “pushing” this lifestyle and this type of diet.

I can’t say that the food that Deen cooks on the show didn’t contribute to her diabetes, but no one can honestly say that she ate the stuff morning, noon, and night and that’s why she’s overweight and that’s why she has diabetes, no doubt whatsoever. Diabetes is a complex thing, and heredity and a sedentary lifestyle contribute to it just as much as being overweight (good thing Wikipedia is back so I can look this stuff up!). I know three people with Type 2 diabetes, and all three of them are skinnier and in better shape than I am. I know about a dozen really, really fat people, and none of them have diabetes and their blood pressure is fine. Anecdotal evidence? Maybe. But like I said, diabetes is a complex thing.

Anthony Bourdain has been on Deen’s case way before her diabetes reveal, calling her “the most dangerous woman in America” because of the way she cooks. I could name 37 females on reality TV that are more dangerous, but that’s beside the point. A lot has been made of the infamous episode where Deen put a burger between two glazed doughnuts. Yes, she was saying that you should eat this every single day. People are so stupid.

I contend that if you hate the way that Paula Deen cooks, in a way you hate America.

Being preached a healthy life style from someone who goes around the world eating warthog rectums and sheep testicles is something I never thought I’d experience. Bourdain is making a cottage industry out of insulting other people who cook stuff he doesn’t approve of. First Rachael Ray, then Sandra Lee, now Deen (he insulted Emeril Lagasse and Guy Fieri somewhere along the way too, so you can’t say he’s a sexist). I’d rather eat at the home of either Lee or Deen than Bourdain’s home (though he’s a better writer than either of them). As the old saying goes, diabetes is better for you than sheep testicles.

I mean, does the guy even cook anymore?

If Paula Deen wants to use the word moderation more and tweak her show a little bit to make things healthier, that’s great. If her sons want to come out with cookbooks that preach a healthy lifestyle, that’s great too. If she wants to take a diabetes medication and exercise more, no one’s going to say that’s a bad thing. But to say that she’s a hypocrite or scheming if she continues to make high-fat meals on her show and at the same time push a diabetes drug just doesn’t make any sense. And the fact that she waited three years to reveal it to her fans doesn’t bother me a bit. A lot of people have secrets in their lives that they hold on to tightly because they’re not ready to reveal it, for personal and yes (gasp!) professional reasons. I don’t know if she didn’t tell anyone because it would somehow interfere with her career, but even if she did, so what? It would be weird if she didn’t keep it secret, wouldn’t it?

Should an alcoholic be barred from being a bartender? Maybe for his personal physical and mental health, but just because an alcoholic is a bartender doesn’t mean he’s preaching alcoholism or even potential alcoholism to the customers who come into the bar. That’s up to them (and this is where people accuse me of comparing alcoholism with diabetes, which both misses and confuses the point all at the same time — congratulations!).

Every single cook on television, from Julia Child to Graham Kerr to Guy Fieri, has cooked food that one could call “unhealthy.” But I contend that they’re aren’t any “unhealthy” foods if you don’t eat them all the time.

Except warthog rectums. That stuff will kill you.

Sole, I’ve decided, is a very forgiving fish to cook with. Though I would likely heed warnings that it might not be the best thing to grill, it’s certainly pliable. Because of its pliability, I decided I wanted to attempt rolling it with some sort of stuffing and baking it.

The first recipe I found was one that called for stuffing the sole with crab meat, from Epicurious. At first this sounded really, really good, but then I ran into a couple of issues. Firstly, we didn’t have any crab meat in the house which, OK, could have been easily remedied by a trip to the grocery store. Secondly, though: the reviews weren’t all that comforting. Many said the crab was just OK or needed some “spiking” to get to be tasty enough with the sole. Then there was the breadcrumbs with the stuffing … I just wasn’t feeling it.

Then I found the recipe noted here: Sole wrapped around asparagus, topped with a beurre blanc sauce. It sounded easy; it sounded delicious; and it looked awesome.

Putting it all together was just as easy as it sounded from the recipe, and though the fish was skinless, it rolled easily around the asparagus without breaking apart. The beurre blanc was also incredibly simple, and was made even easier by the fact that it can be be quickly done during or anytime after the fish is finished cooking.

As you can see from the photo I took above, it really is a beautiful dish. The tangerine juice added to the beurre blanc appears to be more for a colorful accent to the sauce rather than for taste. Sure, it’s flavorful enough, but not as much as I’d have expected. During the steps for making the sauce, it instructs one to add the pan juices from the cooked fish to the beurre blanc; I’m not sure what this added, if anything, so it could likely be skipped.

The rest of the recipe’s instructions were spot on. The fish and asparagus were cooked to perfection. If I had to change anything, I’d look for a way to give the sauce a bit more of a kick in some way, as the most flavorful part of the dish was the asparagus — that just doesn’t seem right.

While not the most flavorful of dishes, I can’t say I won’t ever try this one again. It’s beautiful to look at, but it’s not necessarily what I’d call company food. So why would you bother with it again if only you are enjoying how it looks more than how it tastes? To post photos for everyone to admire, of course.

Leave it to me to get this post in on the last day of the year when all the festivities and holiday frolickry are coming to a close. But sometimes you save the best for last … and that, folks, is what I’m doing right here.

Hokay … !!! Here’s my “tweaked” recipe for eggnog, miles better than anything you can pour out of a carton.

Ingredients:

• 1 dozen fresh eggs
• 2 pints heavy whipping cream
• 12 small “handfuls” of cane sugar
• 6-8 oz. whiskey (Southern Comfort or other? Cheeeeeeap. Jack Daniels? Betterer. Use whatever trips your trigger. Rum may be substituted for whiskey.)
• nutmeg (fresh is better)

Simple Procedure:

• Separate the egg yolks from the egg whites, whipping the whites ’til they are good and stiff. (I usually do this by hand. What? Am I goofy? No … I recommend doing so the first time around so you can figure out what you’re comfortable with down the line, thus tweaking the recipe. But … that’s just me.) Set aside whipped egg whites.
• In a separate container, mix egg yolks well. Gradually add sugar, a little at a time, while mixing (The recipe calls for “a handful” of sugar per egg, but I think this is a bit too much. I’ve used 1/3 less sugar and my nog comes out terrifical. Granted: This isn’t anything akin to a recipe courtesy of Weight Watchers, but you don’t need to go overboard, either.) Mix sugar granules until completely dissolved.
• Add whiskey to the egg yolks. Stir well.
• Add the stiffly beaten egg whites to the yolky mixture. Stir well once more.
• Fold in 2 pints of heavy whipping cream that also has been whipped. Stir well. (“But Michael: The photo above shows regular whipping cream, not heavy whipping cream! What gives?” Glad you asked. I wanted to see if you were paying attention. You get a gold star for noticing. Heavy whipping cream should be used as it makes a richer, tastier recipe.)
• Refrigerate for two hours.
• Re-stir if foamy head has formed from refrigeration, serve in small, dainty glass cups with a dusting of fresh nutmeg sprinkled on top and realize no other eggnog compares. (Yes, you can use nutmeg out of a container, you rebel you. *sigh*)

Share with your friends during tonight’s New Year’s Eve party, during 2012’s holiday season or whenever the urge strikes you. Makes an excellent nightcap and creamer for your coffee as well.

Now … experiment. Adjust to your own taste. Regardless of how you tweak the recipe, it will be far superior to anything store-bought … and your guests will heap praise upon you. Especially the ones who didn’t think they liked eggnog.

What? You marvel at the fact there is no cooking of the eggs whatsoever? You are correct, Mombassa! The alcohol will counteract any suspect monkey business. But I do suggest you use freshly bought eggs for your nog. Fresher is better.

Please let me know how yours turns out!

Bea’s radish salad with apple, egg, avocado, egg and shaved Manchego is the most delectable combination. With a light honey-mustard vinaigrette, it’s the perfect healthy summer treat.

I love everything about raw fennel in a salad, but you pair it with arugula and you’ve won me over tenfold. Thinly sliced zucchini, honey, pine nuts and feta and I’m swooning.

Celery, apple and fennel slaw might just be the perfect medium for celery … other than potato salad and soups of course. It’s fairly simple but would accompany many main dishes well.

I enjoyed the sugar snap peas from our CSA Farm so much that they didn’t even last long enough to make them into this sugar snap salad (and we had plenty!). It still tempts me, though, with its radishes, feta, mint and sumac (a lemony Middle Eastern spice).

As much as I love Heidi Swanson, I’m just not sure about this raw corn salad. Raw corn and shallots, tossed with a lemonade vinaigrette and fresh oregano and seeds. I just don’t have much more to say beyond I’m not so sure about that. However she more than makes up for the questionable-ness of that one with her to-die-for sounding macaroni salad. You had me at arugula, Heidi, but the apples and parmesan sealed the deal. Add this sesame yogurt pasta salad and Heidi’s back on track!

I have a vendetta against restaurants. It’s a thing.

First of all, the word “restaurant” is just really irritating to spell. That u always evades me. Where does it go? Why does it look wrong no matter where I put it? I also have a phobia of restaurants that stems from a childhood bout of food poisoning in one, which doesn’t help matters. But most of all, I really hate “quality” restaurant menus. Whenever I go to a restaurant, I feel like I’ve been set up on an awkward blind date with the menu. It’s a perfectly nice menu, but it’s like the kind of menu that’s never gotten laid and is trying way too hard to impress me by appearing more worldly and cultured. I am never attracted to that person/menu. I usually end up sleeping with the Kid’s Menu, their much sexier younger sibling, and the waiters all judge me for it. “The kid’s menu?” They ask, like I’m one of those middle-aged men who refuse to date anyone over the age of thirty. “I mean, I guess you could order from that if you want…”

Yes, yes I do want.

Here’s the thing, pretentious grown-up menu; I’m not going to sleep with you. I’m never going to sleep with you. This means you need to stop doing a few things. For one, stop trying to make what you’re offering sound sexier than it is. A hamburger is a hamburger is a hamburger. So let’s make a deal; you don’t describe it as a like “a juicy quarter-pound succulent patty” and I, in turn, won’t be an awful person and say something like “yes, I’d like that slab of dubiously cooked ground-up dead cow meat.”

I came across this problem recently on a family trip when we were eating out – which is something I normally never do or enjoy doing. The first night out, I ordered grilled chicken breast stuffed with brie, caramelized onions, and basil. (I apologize. I know I’m railing against pretentious food, but I’m pretty sure stuffed chicken isn’t actually that pretentious.) With it they advertized “a light potato and horseradish fondu”. I had no idea what the fuck that meant. Would my chicken come in cubes and I’d have to dip it? Did fondue become classier when you dropped the e? What on earth was going on? It turns on that what they meant by that mess of gourmet jibber-jabber was finely mashed potatoes with horseradish.

It drives me crazy that restaurants always take a perfectly good regular dish and try to add something crazy to it to make it “classier”. You don’t need to add sage to mac and cheese. If I order a salad, I don’t want half an orchard and maybe goat cheese in there as well. (My parents and sister love this trend. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why putting vinegar on it suddenly makes it delicious, or whatever.) And for the love of God, can we all just get together and stop trying to make arugula happen? It’s never going to happen. (This also came with my chicken. I ignored it as garnish.)

Let’s be honest – arugula tastes like dirt and poo. It’s not like spinach or kale or a nice dark leafy green that if sauteed properly with garlic, becomes delectable. It always tastes like dirt and poo, no matter what you do to it. Also, for some reason, you can never cook arugula, it always must be “lightly wilted”, which brings me back to my first point. I understand there are people who like arugula, but to me they are roughly as crazy as people who voluntarily tune in for Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

I fundamentally do not believe anyone likes arugula the same way I fundamentally do not believe that people enjoy going to movies where everyone dies at the end because it’s “great art that tells you about the human condition”. I believe that these are the sorts of things people pretend to like because it makes them seem cultured, when in reality we’re all just giant kids who want happy endings and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And until you realize that, I’m sorry, but I’m going to order of the kid’s menu, and yes, I am 22, and no, I don’t care how patronizing your face is. Because I will never like portobello mushrooms or capers. I’m just not that kind of girl. And maybe, if you can’t realize that, we’d just be better seeing other people.

With just a few alterations, this salmon cakes recipe could become a stand-by for me, using what we have hanging around in the pantry and fridge. I’d just throw in a 16-oz. ounce can of wild-caught salmon with skin and bones — so healthy and sitting on the second-to-top shelf of my pantry closet at any given time. There are capers right in the cakes, which is pretty close to a perfect idea. You all probably know me well enough by now to know that the sauce will be made with plain goat’s milk yogurt and no mayonnaise. Throw these babies down on a bed of greens and you’ve just prepared a dinner I’d be happy to eat.

These low and slow oven-baked ribs I have made, and don’t let the simplicity fool you — this recipe has everything you could want in a non-smoked rib recipe. We served them with lots of BBQ sauce and this coleslaw and some oven-roasted fries.

The reason this recipe for sea salt-baked potatoes intrigues me is not just because it’s Heidi Swanson’s. It’s because the potatoes are stuffed with arugula and then slathered in a dressing-like sauce and I just think that’s a fine way to serve a baked potato. The only thing missing for me would be a ton of fresh chopped chives.

It’s not like food hasn’t been first and foremost in my mind at least three times a day, what with the meal-eating and all. I’ve even been doing a bit of cooking. It’s the writing part that hasn’t been happening.

The scallop dish I threw together tonight was so good that I dusted off the old laptop so I could share it with you. Let me warn you, though, it won’t be my usual organized recipe format, because I simply didn’t measure (what else is new really) and I couldn’t begin to guess. I can share with the the ingredients and technique, and beyond that, it’s all about what you like anyway. Do everything to your own taste and it will come out a winner. OK, and I’ll try to estimate.

 Scallops with Summer Squash and Peas

Ingredients:

• 1 pound scallops
• lemon juice, orange juice concentrate, tamari
• 1 medium to large summer squash, thinly sliced
• about 1 cup peas
• 2 large scallions, sliced
• ground coriander to taste
• whole cumin seeds to taste
• capers to taste
• 3/4 cup dry quinoa, cooked to package directions

Cook scallops in butter for 30 seconds, then add 1 tablespoon orange juice concentrate, about 3 tablespoons lemon juice and 1 1/2 tablespoons tamari or soy sauce. Simmer until cooked and mixture thickens slightly, about 3 minutes for medium-sized scallops. Do not overcook. Remove from pan.

Add squash to pan and braise in liquid, covered, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes or until done. Add ground coriander and whole cumin seeds to taste (I probably used 1/2 teaspoon and 1/4 teaspoon, respectively). Mixture will thicken slightly. Add peas and scallions and heat through.

Meanwhile, cook 3/4 cup quinoa in 1.5 cups water. Dress with lemon juice, tamari, rice vinegar and olive oil.

Pour vegetables and pan liquid over quinoa, add scallops and toss. Sprinkle with capers. Add some chopped fresh basil or parsley if you like.

Serve over grilled romaine, wilted baby spinach or the greens of your choice. I’d stay away from arugula for this one, though; you don’t need to add another strong flavor to the mix.

Every spring/summer I seem to become obsessed with grape tomatoes. I put them in everything, whether they’re called for or not. So naturally, when I see a recipe that actually calls for them, my interest is immediately piqued. So that’s why when friend of CliqueClack and noted vegetarian Wil Wheaton tweeted a recipe for Quinoa-stuffed portobellos and the picture showed delicious grape tomatoes, I immediately hit the grocery store.

In addition to my grape tomato obsession, I’m also always looking for new uses for quinoa. In fact, I took some of the left over cream sauce from last week’s recipe and replaced the pasta with quinoa. It was pretty delightful. I modified this recipe as well, because I do not enjoy fruit in non-fruit or dessert dishes, so putting raisins in this would have really bummed me out. However, if that’s your bag, then follow the original recipe as she has it.

This recipe is both vegan and gluten-free, but I made it non-vegan by adding delicious, delicious cheese. With that said, I do not recommend what I did with the first one, which was add gorgonzola. As much as I love it, it was just too overpowering for this dish. For the second, I added goat cheese and baked that on, which was 100% perfect.

She also says to add either basil, mint or parsley. I chose basil, which again, went wonderfully with the grape tomatoes. I also added more garlic than is called for, but I do that with everything I cook. I also left out the scallions, because they’re gross. With or without the recipe modifications, this is a delicious, light summer dinner.

I don’t remember if it was on Facebook or on Twitter, but I came across The Pioneer Woman’s recipe for pasta with pesto cream sauce and I was inspired. I’m a total brown thumb, but each year I try to convince myself that this year’s the year I’m going to grow something awesome. I bought some basil plants from the farmer’s market a few months ago, and lo and behold: they’re not dead yet. In fact they’re thriving so much, that I need to start using some of it before I’m overwhelmed by a basil forest.

The thing is, I’m also in the middle of a Sons of Anarchy marathon on Netflix Instant, so I didn’t want to go to the grocery store. That meant that actually making her cream sauce was out, since I don’t have heavy cream on hand. So I searched around and after many weird and unappetizing recipes, found this one for a low-fat cream sauce. It’s great because the ingredients are pretty common, but it’s also hilarious because I’m not entirely sure you can count anything that has flour, butter, Parmesan cheese and an egg as “low fat.”

My pesto recipe was similarly ad-hoc. Although it’s close to Deb’s classic pesto recipe, I didn’t actually measure anything. I also added some spinach instead of parsley, which I never really use for anything. The key though, is the lemon. I used an entire half — I love the tang it adds.

I also toasted the pine nuts first, which gave it a delightfully nutty flavor.

The spinach also makes the pesto a little bit milder and obviously gives it the added benefit of all of those spinachy nutrients.

After you’re finished with the pesto, try to restrain yourself from digging out a loaf of bread and eating it all right there. It’ll be hard, because it’s SO GOOD. Instead, boil a pot of water for the pasta. and follow the directions for the cream sauce — I was impressed with how thick it actually got.

While you’re waiting for that to thicken, slice some grape tomatoes in half and saute them. They’ll add a little burst of sweetness to the finished product.

Once the cream sauce is finished, add the tomatoes and the pesto and mix together.

Toss with your choice of pasta. I used ziti because short pasta is easy for a toddler (Cooper loved this, by the way), but if it were just me, I’d use angel hair.

Word of warning: this recipe yields a crapload of cream sauce. Either be prepared to make a lot of pasta, or dust off those math skills and halve the recipe.

(Please … I know that top picture is horrible. Keith took it with his phone because the dish wasn’t all the way cooked until we got to my in-laws. As if we would have thought ahead and brought the camera….)

Every year, we celebrate Easter dinner with Keith’s parents. It’s always a lovely visit: Owen gets to play with his cousins, we all get to chat with Keith’s aunt and grandmother and we linger around the dining room table, wondering when the 37 people will arrive to help us eat the absurd amount of dessert that is crowding us.

This year, I was asked to bring a not-green-beans-or-potatoes-vegetable. It’s really rare that I cook just carrots as a side dish; they are usually part of a stir-fry or medley. But when I asked both Keith and Owen what vegetable they would like me to make, they both said, “Carrots!” So carrots it was. I had some leftover scallions in the fridge, so I immediately thought of using soy sauce in a glaze.

There are about a million soy-glazed carrot recipes floating around the internet. Some have honey, some have ginger, all sound delicious. I wanted mine to be a bit different. I used Rachel Ray’s recipe for honey-soy oven-glazed carrots to help with ratios and cooking times, then I went to town with my scallions, added some garlic for a bite and substituted agave syrup for the honey — all sprinkled with more scallions and some slivered almonds for crunch.

The best part is that these are gluten-free, since we used wheat-free tamari instead of soy sauce, and are very friendly for anyone who has issues with refined sugar. The only sugars that my son can tolerate are raw agave syrup, grade B maple syrup and palm sugar, and even those we use in very strict moderation. These carrots made everyone happy, and got rave reviews even from the folks who will eat anything (I’m looking at you, Rich).

Soy-Agave Glazed Carrots

Ingredients:

• about 12 carrots, peeled and cut diagonally into chunks
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup agave syrup
• 1/4 cup tamari or soy sauce
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 4 scallions, sliced, with green and white parts separated
• sliced or slivered almonds

Whisk together the olive oil, tamari, agave syrup and garlic. Toss with carrots and white parts of scallions. Arrange in an oven-safe pan and cook at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes, stirring every so often.

Sprinkle with green parts of scallions and slivered almonds before serving. I think sliced almonds would look prettier, but I didn’t have any in the house. You could also sprinkle with chopped fresh cilantro, parsley or basil … any of those herbs would be delicious.

Oh, how I love Mark Bittman and everything he stands for. Simple, real food that tastes fabulous. Make perfect sense, really. One of his recipes just worked for me this week — I had all of the ingredients either in the fridge or freezer, so multi-grain pasta with butternut squash, ground lamb and kasseri was officially on the menu. Well, not quite officially, since my version was more of a brown rice pasta with pumpkin, double the ground lamb and feta. But close enough. There is not a doubt in my mind that we will make this recipe again. It was really, really tasty, easy to prepare and hearty and healthy and the kind of meal that makes you happy there are leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Jump from the classy Mark Bittman to this Good Housekeeping recipe for red-cooked chicken with stir-fry vegetables, clearly devised to make the average housewife feel like she was cooking something classy. Perhaps not exotic enough to serve at the royal wedding or even to guests, it was a delicious middle-of-the-week meal … pretty much just dump everything into your slow cooker, add some vegetables at the end, sprinkle with chopped scallions (see, now there’s that classy touch again) and enjoy. I did serve it with some brown rice which sopped up the sauce in a most lovely, if not classy, way.

I’ve got to be honest — as far as recipe test drives go, this one had to be the worst effort ever. I didn’t have a whole lot of the ingredients in this crock pot Asian beef with mandarin oranges — including the oranges — but I persevered anyway. No beef broth, so I mixed chicken broth and red wine 50/50. I tossed a little orange juice concentrate into the liquid since I didn’t have the mandarin oranges. Several other omissions or substitutions later and … it was delicious! I know it would be better with bok choy instead of broccoli (which got mushy in the slow cooker even though I added it toward the end) and the crunch from the water chestnuts would be most welcome, but all in all, this one’s a keeper.

By now, if you’ve been reading CliqueClack Food for any length of time, you’ve probably figured out that in the McDuffee household, we eat slightly … how shall we say … off center. No refined sugars, no wheat, no cow dairy — that can put a damper on desserts. Somehow we do just fine, as evidenced in the above picture of a gorgeous coconut milk flan that has become one of our favorite go-tos.

We use this recipe for coconut milk flan from a blog with an awesome name: Spilt Wine and Sticky Rice. Actually, it’s mostly awesome, but the part about the wine being spilt is a little bit sad.

Regardless, this recipe is wonderful in its simple perfection. Perfect except for one little thing — the refined sugar. We went out on a limb and tried the recipe using the amazing coconut palm sugar that has completely changed desserts for us. Imagine, a truly unrefined sugar that won’t wreak havoc on your blood sugar levels, that’s full of nutrients and tastes great. Palm sugar is it and leaves Sucanat in the dust. My nutritional kinesthiologist says so, and that’s all you really have to know about it.

The caramel comes out so thick and syrupy, it’s almost as if you used molasses, yet the taste isn’t quite so overpowering. We’ve actually made this recipe with evaporated cane juice in the past (shhh … don’t tell), thinking that it wouldn’t work with palm sugar, and we were wrong: it is infinitely better with palm sugar.

I just ate the last one … no more leftovers. The sun somehow shines not quite as brightly today.

As the numbers on the thermometer rise (high today in my part of the F-L-A is 85 degrees!) and thoughts turn to lighter, healthier (and cooler) eating, I’ve been searching out new culinary pals to liven up my spring and summer meals. Right off the bat, I made a fast food friend: farro.

A whole grain that’s loaded with protein, farro looks like a cousin to brown rice but has more of a chewy, slightly creamy bite. It also packs a nutrition punch, containing fiber, magnesium and vitamins A, B, C and E.

What’s not to love?

Well, my experience trying to actually find this great grain was not terribly easy. I understand it’s available at establishments like Whole Foods, but if you are like me and this culinary Mecca isn’t anywhere close to you, places like Amazon.com can come to the rescue. That’s the route I took and now my pantry is locked and loaded with farro for my dining and experimenting pleasure.

This recipe, adapted from one on epicurious.com, is a terrific place to start getting acquainted with farro. Easy and quick, it’s delicious as is but also lends itself nicely to substitutions to suit personal preferences. It’s one I’m going to enjoy (tonight, actually) and all through the hot season.

Chicken Farro Salad

Ingredients:

• 8 ounces skinless boneless chicken breast halves
• juice of one lemon
• 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 cup semi-pearled farro
• 12 ounces green beans, trimmed, cut into 1 1/2-inch pieces
• 2 cups yellow corn kernels (if fresh, cut from 2 to 3 ears of corn)
• 3 green onions, thinly sliced (about 3/4 cup)
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh marjoram
• 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
• 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons minced shallot
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 4 ounces fresh goat cheese, crumbled

Cut chicken into even bite-sized pieces. Toss with lemon juice, olive oil and garlic. Mix so that chicken is covered with marinade. Let sit in fridge for at least an hour.

Cook farro in medium saucepan of boiling salted water until just tender, 20 to 25 minutes. Drain; cool.

Meanwhile, heat heavy medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken and marinade to skillet; saute until golden brown and cooked through.

Cook green beans in large saucepan of boiling salted water until crisp-tender, about 4 minutes. Drain. Rinse under cold water to cool; drain. Transfer beans to kitchen towel; pat dry.

Mix farro, chicken, and green beans in large bowl; add corn and green onions.

Combine remaining 2 tablespoons oil, marjoram, and 1/2 teaspoon coarse salt in small bowl. Press with back of spoon to release flavor. Whisk in vinegar, shallot, and mustard. Pour over salad in bowl; toss to coat. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

DO AHEAD: Salad can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.

Divide chilled or room-temperature salad among plates. Sprinkle with goat cheese. Enjoy!

I can’t tell you how delicious this recipe for honeyed prawns and polenta sounds to me. It’s really a mystery to me why I haven’t cooked it yet. The polenta has corn, currants, honey, butter and thyme mixed in. The prawns are marinated in honey, lemon and hot sauce (along with this and that) and then crumbled over the top of everything is feta, capers and fresh parsley. Sometimes the creative combinations in recipes just blows me away, and this is definitely one of those recipes.

Now we move on to simpler, yet still there are capers … must be my mood. Heidi Swanson’s quesadillas use a technique that basically adheres and egg to the tortilla, which she stuffs with cheese and tops with lemoned yogurt. I’m certain I couldn’t make anything with absolutely no vegetables in it, but I’m dying to try that egg thing. It needs some baby spinach or something, though.

Let’s transition to another tortilla dish, this time steak picadillo soft tacos (I’m so impressed with my not-theme theme … just humor me). Someone please make these and tell me how good they are, because with Keith’s aversion to olives, a recipe with not only olives, but the brine from the jar, is asking a bit too much of my husband to bear. I won’t even let mayonnaise in the house, so I’ve got to show a little respect with my olive recipes. But I will say this — olives straight from the jar just aren’t as much fun as when incorporated into a recipe. Almost though. On second thought, forget I said anything.

I’m really not sure what is possessing me to make all of these quinoa recipes lately. Probably because they are easy and I can toss in whatever is sitting in my fridge or freezer which works since I’ve been an extremely lazy grocery shopper lately. Regardless, quinoa is delicious and this latest incarnation got the highest raves from a semi-picky husband, or at least one who is not always forthcoming with his meal compliments.

I served this one with some roasted chicken parts, meaning we really only wanted half of a chicken so Keith wielded his cleaver (so macho) and chopped the sucker into about eight parts and we cooked half. I rubbed them with paprika, onion and garlic powders, sea salt, black pepper and thyme, and roasted them on 350 convection roast, flipping once, until done. Please don’t ask me how long that was because I never time things, I just keep peeking. Somewhere between 30-45 minutes would be my best guess, and we cooked the dark meat a little longer than the white meat.

I regret to inform you that I really didn’t measure the dressing ingredients for the quinoa recipe very well. I’m a drizzle-taste-redrizzle kind of gal, but it’s really all to taste anyway; there’s no exact recipe. I think this would be a wonderful vegetarian main dish with some chick peas added, or even some pan-fried tempeh chunks.

The perfect addition to this would be some crumbled bacon; the next time I make it I will unquestionably add bacon, turkey bacon or crispy prosciutto.

Quinoa with Corn, Spinach and Pine Nuts

Ingredients:

• 1 cup quinoa
• 2 cups water
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 cups frozen corn kernels
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
• 1/4 cup toasted pine nuts
• 2 good handfuls baby spinach
• 1/4 teaspoon toasted cumin seeds
• about 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• about 1.5 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• about 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• seas salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Bring the quinoa, garlic and water to a boil, then lower to a simmer, cover and cook until water is absorbed. This might be about 15 minutes, or you might check a couple of times and never time it, like I do.

Meanwhile, toast the cumin seeds in a dry pan until fragrant. You can wait until they pop if you like, but there’s plenty of flavor released before that. Do the same for the pine nuts.

When the quinoa is finished cooking, add the corn and pine nuts and cover for a few minutes to let the corn warm. Then add the spinach and cilantro. Next, drizzle the oil, vinegar and lemon juice and taste until you get the ratio you like best. Season and serve.

Something really, really bad happened this week. Let me start at the beginning. Years ago, while vacationing in New Hampshire, we came upon the quaintest little health food store you ever did see. It was there that we discovered carob mint coated rice cakes, health food’s answer to the perfect dessert. Every year when we went back, we indulged in the precious snack that tastes so sinful yet has absolutely nothing bad in it.

We haven’t had them in years, and to make a very long story — one that has something to do with ordering Easter candy for our no-sugar kid — short, we found some online and ordered them, devoured them and found some more at a local health food store (who knew?!) only to begin devouring those. It’s become a carob-coated rice cake festival round here. My favorite are the mint, but we’ve since branched out to the almond butter flavored ones as well.

Another long story about Keith, weight loss and the Lose It! iPhone app brought us to the very, very bad thing: the evil, Satan-created carob mint coated rice cakes have 200 calories each! Yeah, you read that right. You tell me how it is even remotely possible to take a 30 calorie snack and wrap 170 calories around it. For days now, devastation has permeated the usually upbeat mood of our household. Keith and I will pass each other in a room, glance up at one another and mumble, “Two-hundred calories….” and just keep right on walking. I don’t know if the disbelief outweighs the sadness … it’s a crapshoot.

I’ll get to the point: we’re looking for alternatives and I found this recipe for carob mint candy that has so much honey and coconut in it that you know it probably has more than 200 calories but I still feel compelled to make it, for the sheer principle of the thing.

Or maybe these layered carob mint candies, which still likely have calories and are probably impossible to make (I believe that you can blend shredded coconut into the consistency of butter about as much as I believe carob-coated rice cakes have 200 calories).

I’m desperate. I’m not a calorie counter by nature, by will or by any standards whatsoever, but to find out something that I’ve been eating with wild abandon actually has a caloric content about four times as large as I would have guessed has thrown me, people. The universe is not benevolent. Am I supposed to cut them in half? In quarters? Save some for later? I’ve never felt so indecisive. Oh, the drama!

When push comes to shove, you know I’ll be eating the carob mint coated rice cakes the same as before I knew how many calories were in them — maybe slightly less often. And probably I’ll still try making the candy recipes I found someday. Has anyone else ever had such a total food shocker that they couldn’t believe what they learned was true?

Writing this column while hungry is not an easy task. Any potential themes get tossed out the window and whatever would satisfy my appetite gets written down. Instead of a lovely brunch menu, which definitely could have happened, I ended up with this mish-mash of recipes … and I’m still hungry.

Believe it or not, our green bean harvest was so good this year that we still have a couple of bags left in the freezer. That’s with about several thousand batches of my minestrone soup too! I’ve been looking for other things to do with the green beans, and I came across this recipe for sweet potato soup with green beans and cilantro. So simple, but a really interesting combination of flavors that I think will taste fabulous with something grilled … I’m thinking sausages or pork tenderloin.

Get a load of the cutest little gluten-free tartelettes in all the world! Zucchini, coriander, leeks and cheese stuff these egg-y babies.

I love frittatas … I love them because I can basically throw whatever I have in my fridge into them and they taste fabulous. This salmon and asparagus frittata sounds like a good one for this time of year, as the asparagus comes into season and is plentiful locally.

Is it weird that this rather unappealing crock pot recipe for a Cantonese dinner makes me want to cook it? There’s nothing special in it and I don’t like how a lot of meats even come out in the slow cooker, so why would I be attracted to this recipe? I’ll try it, though, because the kid loves Chinese food and it sounds easy. My, how my standards have regressed as this column progresses.

Now here’s another curious recipe for me, because I’m trying to stay away from excessive carbs and baked goods, yet scones come across my screen. Better yet, ginger pecan scones, with lots of crystalized ginger and butter … maybe it’s time for a brunch with the frittata and scones. …

One of the easiest recipes I’ve made lately is this chilaquiles casserole. I made it pretty close to the directions, only I substituted goat cheddar for the regular. My only real complaint is that I didn’t love the enchilada sauce. Maybe it’s the brand I bought, but the next time I make this, I’m inclined to use chopped tomato instead and a can of fire-roasted chiles. Maybe it would need some cumin and a little lime juice as well, but I’m definitely playing around a bit the next time.

This slow cooker Turkish lamb stew was delicious in every way and even better the next day. What I like about it is that it wasn’t all about the lamb. You could probably substitute any meat and have it be wonderful, or leave it out altogether for a fabulous vegetarian dish. I also love that there’s potato in it so it is a really hearty one-pot meal — you don’t even need to make rice or quinoa or anything. Lazy cooks, rejoice!

Another easy and delicious dinner was this pork tenderloin with apples. I used Pink Lady apples (our very favorite), but I’d definitely use more than the recipe called for the next time, since the 6-year-old gobbled them all up! The gravy didn’t turn out well at all, though. When I cooked the apples, they didn’t leave many pan juices and the broth and wine never reached boiling in the oven, so I think those two things may have been a factor in my watery gravy. It tasted fine but was really nothing more than pan juice; it never got thick like melted ice cream, as the recipe says. I served it with sweet and sour cabbage wedges and it was a lovely meal.

I used this recipe for Nat’s oven baked zucchini sticks on zucchini and eggplant and it was a wonderful flavor. However, I really can’t believe that I’m the only person (out of the reviews anyway) who had trouble making the crumbs stick. I ended up dipping the veggies in egg and then it worked great, so the next time I make this, the egg’s a must. No, it didn’t get my zucchini-hating 6-year-old to eat it like I thought it would, but we’re definitely trying it with a vegetable he does like, just for fun. It’s a great substitute for tempura and I’m all over broccoli and cauliflower the next time.

These spelt flour tortillas really are as good as all the reviews say. We used them to make Italian quesadillas and when I finally get around to trying Jamie Oliver’s Sloppy Joes recipe, I’ll use there tortillas.

We made these pear wedges with prosciutto and mint as an appetizer one night when we entertained my parents. I diverged slightly from the recipe, using pureed fresh pear instead of pear nectar and adding some salad greens. We all really liked the combination of the flavors and it was such a fresh, simple recipe.

This Tuscan salmon with rosemary orzo was easy enough for a weeknight meal, yet special enough to serve to company. Since we don’t eat wheat, I made the rosemary orzo with brown rice instead, and I can tell you that I will definitely use this simple, flavorful technique for sprucing up rice often. Another tip about this recipe — you don’t have to pan sear the salmon. There’s no need to cook the fish in the same skillet as the sauce, so if you’d rather grill it (or George Foreman it!) then go for it. All of the fresh herbs mixed with the sweet grape tomatoes and salty olives made the perfect sauce, and since we don’t often serve salmon this way, a special treat.

It all started with a craving. Keith wanted something “stuffed” for dinner; he wasn’t picky, which actually made it harder, but he finally decided that he wanted stuffed Cornish game hens. Once I talked him out of actually stuffing them (since about a tablespoon of stuffing would fit into that tiny little cavity) then we really had something.

Instead of preparing a traditional bread stuffing, I decided to play with my red quinoa, bought some time ago yet never used. All of my favorite stuffing ingredients went into this inventive side dish: apples, currants, celery, sage, onion and fresh parsley.

I loved everything about this concoction, though Keith and I decided that to make it truly restaurant quality, we’d have to throw in a pat or two of butter to finish it off (which I’ve included in the recipe). What really made it better than average, though, was the red quinoa. I like it so much better than regular quinoa, and I’m so sorry I’ve had it sitting on my pantry shelf for months. It’s hearty and nutty and rich; I’ll definitely be cooking with it more often.

Red Quinoa Stuffing with Apples and Currants

Ingredients:

• 1 cup red quinoa
• 2 cups water
• 1 teaspoon chicken Better than Bouillon
• 3-4 stalks celery, chopped
• 1-2 apples, chopped
• 2 small cloves garlic, minced
• 1 very small onion chopped (about 1/2 cup)
• 1/2 tsp each dried sage, rosemary, thyme
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• 4 chopped scallions
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1/4 cup sunflower seeds
• 1/4 cup currants
• a tablespoon or two of butter, optional

Add the quinoa, water and chicken bouillon to a pot and bring to a boil. Cover and reduce to simmer and cook for about 15 minutes or until water is absorbed. Set aside.

Meanwhile, heat a skillet and turn a bit of olive oil into the pan. Add the celery, apples, garlic and onions and saute until tender. Add the sunflower seeds, currants and dried herbs and saute a few minutes more. Season with sea salt and pepper.

Add the quinoa to the skillet and heat through, then remove from heat and add the parsley, scallions and the butter (if you choose). Season again to taste.

We served this with the Cornish games hens, of course, stuffed with onions, garlic and herbs, with some roasted Brussels sprouts on the side and a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc we’d never tried before. A wonderful way to spend a Saturday night.